Here without you

2004-05-10T18:52:00.000-04:00

currently listening to - Goodbye to You - Michelle Branch
currently eating/drinking - cough drop
currently wearing - white long sleeve shirt, scooby doo boxers = )
current mood - annoyed
currently thinking - .....
current quote/lyric - "you know i`d do that for you"

when you are with me
im free - im careless
i believe

We made promises we couldn't keep
And every night we couldn't sleep
I didn't know why, but didn't ask questions
Because it was the first time in my life
Where I did something right
I set myself up for the
Greatest fall of all time
-Matchbox Romance-

think of all the fun you had.
the finest lines divide a night well spent,
from a waste of time.
you`ve gotten so good....
at setting bad examples. -Taking Back Sunday-

sometimes before life can get better
it has to get worse <3

Real girls aren't perfect,
and perfect girls aren't real.-Courtney Love-

let`s start out by starting over.
what did I expect? you`re no good at lying
and i`m no good at comebacks;
you`re so untouchable.
i`m oh so terrible at this....
i`m terrible at this..you know
___xx;*Matchbook Romance

its been a bad day another bad day
and all i want to do is look at you
and know i'm okay

I'm waiting to give you whatever the world may bring.
I'd give you my life cause I don't own anything.
It seemed like the bottom was all that I had
until now
I'd give you my life...
if you'd give me yours somehow...

If I'm not in love with you,
what is this I'm going through, tonight.
and if my heart is lying then what should I believe in.
why do I go crazy every time I think about you baby.
why else do I want you like I do..
if i'm not in love with you -Faith Hill-

* there are two things in life
that should never be broken.
hearts <3 and promises. *

Please don't forget my name
And take me with you when you leave

"its better to have lost love
then put on a smile and pretend"
-the starting line-

Every friend we ever had in common
I will sever the tie with you
You can thank your lucky stars
That everything i wish for will never come true

2004-04-19T18:40:00.000-04:00

currently listening to - Heather on the phone
currently eating/drinking - nothing
currently wearing - jeans, yellow shirt
current mood - tired
currently thinking - nothing lol
current quote/lyric - im proclaiming, "all hail the heartbreaker"

When they ask me
what I liked best,
I'll tell them it was you______x City Of Angels

Your the brightest star I've ever seen
Everytime I see your face
I'm reminded of what it means
to be alive_______x Beautiful Mistake

Well you think you know it all
You think that you deserve the best
Well I've got news for you
Your bullshit lines can't pass this test________x Allister

We made promises we couldn't keep
And every night we couldn't sleep
I didn't know why, but didn't ask questions
Because it was the first time in my life
Where I did something right
I set myself up for the
Greatest fall of all time_________x Matchbox Romance

Thought I'd been In love before
But in my heart, I wanted more
Seems like all I really was doing
Was waiting for you________x The Beatles

the old dreams ..
were good dreams,
they didnt work out.
but im glad i had them________x The Bridges Of Madison

Let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
So we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off
Cause we'll know just what they're thinking
She's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that way
Her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day
She said to me that she's so happy it's depressing
And all i said was "someone get that girl a mood ring_____x Reliant K

It's so hard to see
When your eyes are rolling
in the back of your head
It's even harder to speak
When everything you say
just comes out wrong______x Atreyu

I'm filling up inside like I need to open wide
and pour my heart out to you
but I'll just get denied and all I wanted
was someone to hear what I'm going through______x Hoobastank

I said "that boy's handsome"
And a little bit of me wanted to be
beautiful.

he's the only one
that will be
constantly everything you need.

Every fault, every flaw
Your pictures still on my wall
There's not a thing about you
That I would change______x Fenix Tx

but they say if you dream a thing
more than once. it's sure to come true.
and i`ve seen him so many times _______ x Sleeping Beauty

And if I could move I'm sure it would
only be to crawl back to you
I must have dragged my guts a block
They were gone by the time we talked
I want to hate you half
as much as I hate myself________x Fall Out Boy

And althought the moon is falling down on us
Don't expect this day to end
Do you see that star, well I'll meet you there
When you read this, you'll be well on your way
Please write soon so I know that
You've gotten home safe and please
Don't forget me_________x Anatomy Of A Ghost

what makes us burn every bridge we cross?
or walk aimlessly into oncoming traffic?
third times a charm.. but would we even get that far?
Thought I owed it to everyone. .
but I really owe it to myself________x Matchbox Romance

2004-04-11T01:23:00.000-04:00

currently playing - back that ass up - JUVENiLE
currently eating/drinking - snapple
currently wearing - Cal rememberance shirt, sweats
current mood - happy(wow isnt that a surprise)
currently thinking - fuccin cold out here
current quote/lyric - words like violence break the silence

Close your eyes, you're beautiful when you're sleeping
Tonight may all your dreams come true.
It's so nice to hold you while you're sleeping
When I'm sleeping next to you

i want you to
feel the same as i do
all i know....
is you're cute when you scream

i cant stop thinkin about you
i cant stop thinkin about how
my hearts empty without you
my dreams will never come
true without you...x____Mxpx

I just get a little anxious sometimes
You'll be gone and I'll be left behind.
I just get a little nervous sometimes
It'll be my cue & I'll forget my lines.

We keep repeating mistakes for souvenirs.
We've been in between the days for years.
I know that when I see you I'm going to die.
I know I'm going to want you & you know why.
It's going to kill me to see you with the next girl.
I'm the most gorgeously jealous kind of ex-girl._____x No Dout

you're the beauty that is deeper than than eyes
can merely see, the closest thing to perfect but
the farthest thing from me

I wanna stay 18 forever,
so we can stay like this forever
And we'll never miss a party
Cause we keep them going constantly
And we'll never have to listen,
to anyone about anything
Cause it's all been done, and it's all been said
we're the coolest kids
And we take what we can get _____x Brand New

hand me the world on a silver platter
and what good would it be
with no one to share with no one
who truely cares for me_____x Alicia Keys

whenever i'm not around, and you feelin down `
let the thought of me be the reason you smile ;*

What you give is what you get
And you gave absolutely nothing to me

We seek the comfort of another,
someone to shape and share the life we choose,
someone to help us through the never ending
attempt to understand each other,
and in the end,
someone to comfort us along the way_____x Lois and Clark

There's different kinds of love, darling.
Some people you love no matter what,
and others you love if the situation is right.
To me, the best kind of love
is the "no matter what" kind. ______x Inventing the Abbotts

So now you've got it all figured out
And you know you've found someone that cares
And if you ever need somebody to help you out
Well you know I will always be there______x Firehouse

She'd give anything & everything to fall in love,
just this one time.
She'd like to find what she's been dreaming of.
She could find someone to hold her
but that wouldn't be enough,
because she'd give anything to fall in love

none of those other things make a difference,
love is the strongest thing in the world,
ya know, nothing can touch it,
nothing comes close, if we love each other,
we’re safe from it all,
love is the biggest thing there is______x snow falling on cedars

If i would have known that the first time i saw you
would be the last time..
I would have stopped to memorize your face,
the way you moved...everything about you'____x Friends

i need you, and you don’t know how hard that is
for me to accept, because i dont need anyone,
but its a whole lot easier than trying to imagine my life
without you_____x Boys and Girls

i dont know when im with you,
i just, i never know whats going to happen next,
its weird, because my life is so planned out,
its like you dont care what people think,
and when im with you,
i dont care what people think_____x Crazy/Beautiful

Are you looking for an answer?
-because I could really use [..a friend..] tonight.

'Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, `I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'____x Alice In Wonderland

I had no illusions about love...
It came, it went, it left casualties or it didn't

it was only when i began to feel actual physical pain
every time you left the room
that it finally dawned on me,
i was in love! _____x Dangerous Liaisons

she dreams a champagne dream,
strawberry suprise
pink linen and white paper
lavender and cream
fields of butterflies
reality escapes her..

And I meant every word I said
When I said that I love you I meant
That I love you forever______x Reo Speedwagon

you said my heart sounded like a payphone in the rain
distorted, distant, scrambled, and desperate.

2004-03-27T14:45:00.000-05:00

currently playing - burn -- Usher
currently eating/drinking - coffee
currently wearing - nike hoodie...polar bear pj pants...still lol
current mood - c0nfused
currently thinking - im reallie fucking c0ld
current quote/lyric - Who the fuck are you to say what I can or cannot do? You talk shit about me constantly with your weak judgmental crew, spread lies about me, cry about me like its your God given task. If you spent more time thinking about me, I'd have your head right up my ass - dedicated

i got bored so im updating this again lol..some of them are repeats...old favorites <3

the saddest thing in life is wasted talent
you can have all the talent in the world,
but if you dont do the right thing nothing happens,
but when you do right good things happen____<3 A Bronx Tale

you and me have a better time
than most can dream,
we have it better than the best._____<3 Dave Matthews

And I hadn't set aside the fact
that you were broken-hearted.
Hell knows where your heart would be today.
Maybe with me._____<3 Alkaline Trio

In seventh grade...
you are what other people say you are.
When it comes down to it,
you don't remember the people
you tried to impress._____<3 The Wonder Years

Listen....
here's the pleasant part:
you and I, we fell apart._____<3 The Juliana Theory

You know that place between sleep and wake,
where you still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll wait for you.
That's where I'll always love you.______<3 Tinkerbell

You take my breath away,
With all the things you say,
You take my breath away,
And then you leave me standing all alone______<3 Not by Choice

Whereever you go and whoever you're with
you'll always have a piece of my hear_____<3 Dawson's Creek

He said "We can work through this"
As i turned to walk out the door
Yeah, like i'd believe him
He's used that line before

I feel like a big faker,
because I’ve been putting my life back together
and nobody knows______<3 The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I know he's not perfect!
But he's the one person
that will shown up on my birthday
and say I'm glad you were born!_____<3 28 Days

i want to know
if theres a reason for things,
i used to be certain
but im not so sure anymore_____<3 Simon Birch

I’ll move on but you’re going to
have to go through the rest of
your life knowing you turned
your back on love_____<3 Cruel Intentions

In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again.
Some, you wonder what happenend to them.
There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you.
And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again.
But you do. _____<3 The Wonder Years

Love is such a strong word
and if you are going to use it,
make sure u know what it means,
because it hurts to hear it
and know that you don’t mean it_____<3 Alone and Restless

standing on the edge of morning, 'scent
of sex and new found glory. playing as
she's pulling back her hair, ' she drives
away. she's feeling worthlesS, used
again but nothing's different. she'd stay
the night, but knows he doesn't care...'

the reason her life didn't turn out
more like a movie. shes trying to
forget it all.' i dont believe in any-
thing, but i believe in you. i never
tusted anyone, 'but somehow i
trust you. _____<3 Midtown

There are so many things I want to say to you,
but time's caught me up and now I'll never say them
except that I've loved you
from the moment I saw you and every moment since._____<3 Robin Hood

If you've never had a broken heart,
then you are either very lucky or very lonely._____<3 Dawson's Creek

sometimes we walk, sometimes we run away,
but I know no matter how fast we are running
somehow we keep up with each other._____<3 Dave Matthews

theres only us, theres only this.
forget regret or life is yours to miss.
no other road, no other way,
no other day but today.

what if i said you never mattered?
that i never lost a moment of sleep.
what if i crushed all of your dreams
and broke all the promises you swore
to keep? tell me how your life would
be if i did to you what you did to me.

The only kiss we got here
is a goodbye kiss.
which as kisses go,
are not my favorite______<3 View From the Top

The greatest assest a person can have
is having someone believe in you_____<3 View From the Top

you don't remember me but i remember you. `i lie
awake and try so hard not to think of you. but
who can decide what they dream? `and dream i
do...' i believe in you. i'll give up everything just to
find you. i have to be with you to live, to breathe.
you're taking over me._____<3 Evanescence

you see, in my life..
i've never found what i couldn't resist
what i couldnt turn down
i could walk away from anyone i ever knew
Buh until i met this incredible person..
it was you..

young melanie: whatchu wanna marry me for anyhow?
young jake: so i can kiss u anytime i want____<3 sweet home alabama

you’re my heart,
and you know
i can’t live without my heart____<3 Blow

2004-03-27T07:59:00.000-05:00

currently playing - tainted love -- marilyn manson's versi0n
currently eating/drinking - cough drop
currently wearing - nike hoodie...polar bear pj pants lol
current mood - blah
currently thinking - SO MUCH FUCKING DRAMA
current quote/lyric - te amo demasiado <3

death may bring endings.
but it's home to a thousand lonely faces.

i felt i was on fire with the things i could have told you
i guess i just assumed that you eventually would ask
and i wouldn't have to bring up my so badly broken heart
and all those months i just wanted to sleep
though spring, it did come slowly, i guess it did its part

and maybe it's not worrying about
what's down the road, or where you will end up,
but enjoying where you are right now _____<3 sex and the city

So you end up watching chances fade
..and wondering what`s real.

Take him and cut him out in little stars,
and he will make the face of heaven so beautiful,
that all the world will be in love with night._____<3 shakespeare

and we have this down, unlike everybody.
i'll spend a million nights just like tonight you know,
i screamed your name at the sky, until I lost my voice.
well, I'd give my life for you.

can i still see my future in your eyes
or can i picture myself dead in your embrace?
fuck off...
like you're the only person that has ever cried
or been broken by love?

Come on,
without you I'll never feel the love inside of me.
Come on,
you know that we belong.

i guess things never turn out exactly the way you planned.
I remember how it was growing up
among people and places I loved.
Most of all, I remember how it was to leave._____<3 The Wonder Years

nothing lasts forever,
and we both know hearts can change,
and its hard to hold a candle
in the cold November rain.______<3 Guns N' Roses

Real loss is only possible
when you love something
more than you love yourself.______<3 Good Will Hunting

Tell him that you love him.
You've got nothing to lose,
and you'll always regret it if you don't.______<3 Love Actually

so kiss me hard
'cause this will be the last time that I let you.
You will be back someday
and this awkward kiss
that tells of other people's lips
will be of service to keeping you away.

So let's do our best to beat the misery
that comes with being young and fucked up

You're not perfect sport,
and let me save you the suspense,
this girl you've met she's not perfect either.
But the question is.....
whether or not you're perfect for each other.____<3 Good Will Hunting

The only thing about romance
is that people only get together
right at the very end._____<3 Love Actually

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.
_____<3 Meet Joe Black

2004-03-22T21:23:00.000-05:00

There's a height beyond skyscrapers,
There's a distance beyond the freeway,
More than pictures in a magazine,
More than tragedy in a rock and roll song.
It's more than actions you know are safe to make.
It's more than money could ever buy.

I'm twisted cause one side of me
tellin' me that I need to move on
on the other side I wanna break down and cry // Usher

I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did..
I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did...
I didn't mean to fall in love but i did...

The stars are tangled in the clouds,
can't you hear me,
I'm screaming so loud.

And she wants to be a model
she wants to hear she's beautiful
she's beautiful
i want to save you
i want to save you
i need you to
save me too
i want to save you // Something Corporate

All this time,there's a hole in my ceiling where dreams escape,
right above my head.
I'll take a holiday, i'm sick of feeling this way.
So just cut off the lights awhile, and kiss me like you wanted to.
And then I'll sing in style, like a black heart valentine pill.
I need it but just keep it, I have slept it off,
and I've been awake for too long.. // Northstar

We both want the world,
But we both know that this gets old,
If i could open up my chest,
Then maybe i could find a way,
To give you just a little piece of my heart

if the sky were to suddenly open up,
there would be no law, there would be no rule.
There would only be you and your memories. // Donnie Darko

come on, come on, I need to see you tonight
under the stars and nights
I could hold you, hold you tight
I wont do anything
So come on, come on, i need to see you tonight
Under the stars and lights
For better love is hard to find
I'd love to put you out of my mind
And i dont care what you do
But i get sooo upset
When you dont call
Come on come on come on
I need to see you tonight

2004-03-13T09:25:00.000-05:00

[x] Part 1-- Describe... [x]
Your heritage/nationality – African american
Your hair – brownish black
Your fears – being alone
Your perfect room – Kerrie’s lol
What you practically do in a day – uhh… wake up, school, cut half my classes, go home, phone, comp, shower, bed
[x] Part 2-- What is/are... [x]
Words you overuse – fuck, bitch, cunt
Phrases you overuse – whatever you faggot, what the frigg, (thnx jaimie lol) fuck you
Your first thought when you wake up – I didn’t do any homework
Your greatest accomplishment – throwing Jaimie’s party
Something you want to do – fall in love
[x] Part 3 -- This or that [x]
Pepsi or Coke - pepsi
McDonald's or Burger Kings – Mcdonald’s
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera - both
Chocolate or vanilla - vanilla
Adidas or Nike - adidas
Black or white - black
Bills or Coins - bills
Burgers or hot dogs – cheese burgers
Egypt or France - France.
Rock or rap - rock.
[x] Part 4 -- Do you...[x]
Smoke - not anymore
Cuss - yeah
Sing well – I guess so
Sing in the shower - yeah.
Talk to yourself a lot – haha sometimes.
Believe in yourself - nope not at all
Like taking these long ass surveys? - I don’t reallie care
Play an instrument - nope
Want to go to college? - yes.
Want to get married? - yes.
Want to have children? - yes.
Think you're a health freak? - no..
Get along with your parents – sometimes, its mostly my fault
Get along with your siblings? – HELL NO
Think you're popular – I know I’m not
[x] Part 5 -- In the past month have you..[x]
Gone out of state - nope.
Drank alchohol - no.
Smoke - no.
Got high - no.
Done any drugs - no.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos - nope.
Been on stage - no.
Gone skinny dipping – haha fat girls don’t skinnie dip
Been dumped – need a guy to get dumped
Dyed your hair - no.
Stolen anything – not in the past month.....
[x] Part 6 -- Your friends! =D [x]
Craziest - hm..out of the group, me, Ashley, Merri, and Chelsea
Loudest – me or Ashley lol
Most shy – Jaimie
Blondest - Allie
Smartest - Merri
Kindest – Cori and Merri
Best personality – all of them..they all got different personalites which makes them great <3
Most talented – lol they all have crazee little talents
Best singer – Merri lol
Most ghetto – haha Ashley or Kelsey
Drama Queen ((or King)) - Kelsey.
Pain in the ass - Jessica
The one you just want to strangle to death ((Homer Simpson style)) – Jessica lol
Funniest – all of them are funnie
Best person for advice - Britt
Dependable – Jaimie
Trustworthy – Jaimie .
Druggie – none (haha wow am I lying)
Most likely to end up in jail – Ashley or Kelsey
Person you've known the longest - Ashley
[x] Part 7 -- The Last... [x]
Last dream – About Jaimie’s party
Last nightmare – About all the things that could have went
wrong with Jaimie’s party.
Car ride – with dad, Chelsea, Heather, Allie, and Cori,..
Last time you cried – wow its been awhile…
Last movie seen – Dirty Dancing : Havana Nights baby!
Last movie rented – haven’t rented one but I borrowed Save the Last Dance
from Heather
Last book read- Hard Love
Last word said - okay
Last curse word said - fuck
Last time you laugh – last night @ Kerrie’s
Last phone call – umm I think it was from Jaimie last night
asking what time she should come
Last CD played – a mix
Last song you listened to – Eminem – My Band
Last annoyance – My dad
Last IM – I’m on away
Last weird encounter – I don’t know
Last person you hugged – no one lol
Last person you yelled at – lol my team for Cranium at Kerrie’s
Last time you wore a skirt – good lord lol, last year for the Sixth Flags trip
Last time you've been evil – Thursday lol
Sarcastic? – Thursday lol
Last time you fought with your parents – Thursday ( I wasn’t home Friday)
Last time you wished upon a star – I don’t wish on stars
Played Truth or Dare – New years at Chelsea’s
Spent quality time alone – Friday night when I got home from Kerrie’s..
[x] Part 8 -- I swear this is the last one! -- Randomness [x]
Are you talking to someone on AIM – no I’m on away
Do you feel lonely - No
Ever TP'd someone's house – ahaha yehhh
How about egging someone's house – lolol yep!
Do you not like dislike not like me? – gah to earlie to figure out that sentence
Ain't Eminem and 50 Cent just fine? - <3 Eminem
Yo Momma – no…yo Momma
Ever been so hungry you felt like you could eat the person next to you? – haha no
What do you think of George Bush? – I don’t reallie care about him
Any secret fetishes? Haha ask Chelsea
Do you like to wear chains? - O_o cant say I do
How many languages do you speak? – two …counting English lol
Damn.. are your fingers tired? Cause mine sure are! - nope.
Glad this is over? ((Say yes and I'll stalk you XP)) – yeh sorta lol

2004-03-09T20:22:00.000-05:00

currently playing - At Last - Etta James
currently eating/drinking - nothing
currently wearing - white jacket...striped pj pants
current mood - tired
currently thinking - so SICK of drama
current quote/lyric - you're SO last summer.

You're my front page story
Wanna tell the world
I'm in love with you, boy

So much for all the promises
you've made, it served you well
and now their gone and they're wasted on me.
So much for your enduring sense of charm,
it served you well
and now you're gone and it's wasted on me.

Isn't life so perfect?
It has to be,
it has to make up for all the hard things.

damn right I am still pissed..
next time I see your face
we will see who has the upper hand
kiss my fist. Taste the floor.
Tired of your games. fuck off goodbye.

Don't regret what you said.
Forget about the take backs
it was well worth it. I give my love to the end.

I finally figured out...
It's time to cuddle up with no one
and miss you

Fuckin' every now and then I fall apart
and I need you now tonight.
I fuckin' need you more than ever.

I can't say I blame you
But I wish that I could
I'm sick of every song
about you

I don't miss you just yet
I don't think I ever will...
Why would I miss an inconsiderate bastard?
All I have to say is... I'm sorry I hate you.

I don't steal and I don't lie
But I can feel and I can cry
A fact I bet you never knew
But to cry in front of you
That's the worst thing I could do.

If you find somebody you can love,
you can't let that get away.

should've said something but ive said it enough by the way
my words were faded rather waste some time with you.

What does it take to get this through to you,
Subject yourself to things that you deserve,
Just stop me if you've heard enough,
Of what you should have said and done.

You said there would not be
any reason to fear this world.
But you're the reason,
you're the reason I feel broken,
and branded, and burning with doubt.

2004-03-08T17:53:00.000-05:00

* i read the best book recently...Hard Love by Ellen Wittlinger. ahhh best book ever i swear. What i liked most about it was it had little poems and lyrics in it..there weren't alot that i liked but there were some that "spoke to me". This is one of them.

Hard Love - Bob Franke

And I recall the gentle courtesy you gave me as I tried
To dissemble in politeness all the love I felt inside.
And for every song of laughter, was another song that cried,
This ain't no easy weekend, this is hard love.

It was hard love, every step of the way,
Hard to be so close to you, so hard to turn away,
And when all the stars and sentimental songs dissolved today,
There was nothing left to sing about but hard love

So I loved you for your courage and your gentle sense of shame
And I loved you for your laughter, and your language, and your name

And I knew it was impossible but I loved you just the same,
Though the only love I gave you, was hard love.

It was hard love, it was hard on you I know,
When the only love I gave to you, was love I couldn't show
You forgave the heart that loved you
As your lover turned to go
Leaving nothing but the memory of hard love

So I'm standing in this phone booth with a dollar and a dime,
Wondering what to say to you to ease your troubled mind,
For the Lord's cross might redeem us,

But our own just wastes our time.
And to tell the two apart is always hard, love.

So I'll tell you that I love you even though I'm far away,
And I'll tell you how you change me as I live from day to day,
How you help me to accept myself and I wont forget to say,
Love is never wasted, even when it's hard love.

Yes it's hard love, but it's love all the same,
Not the stuff of fantasy but more than just a game,
And the only kind of miracle that's worthy of the name,
For the love that heals our lives, is mostly hard love

2004-03-08T16:51:00.000-05:00

currently playing - concrete angel -- Martina Mcbride
currently eating/drinking - cereal
currently wearing - hoody...thermal pjs pants.
current mood - sick
currently thinking - haven't updated this in awhile
current quote/lyric - i wonder if you'll come back; i trust only that you'll leave

the more you talk
the more i get
the sense of something
that hasn't happened yet....

There are songs to be sung, and pages to be filled with memories.
There are roads to be traveled, in places I have never seen.
There are postcards to send, and so much beauty to take in.
There are dreams to be chased, and friends to be held more dearly.
There is love to be seen more clearly
There are fears to be faced, and tremblings to understand.
There are new days to brave, and all this foolish pride
to lay down in your hands.

People throw the word -LOVE-
around like its a fucking basketball these days
--DARIA

I think of a while ago, we might of have had it all
I was so stupid then
You needed time to grow
But now just as things change, as well my feelings do
In time things rearrange
I am so sick of chasing you

let's call this the quiet city:
where screams are felt as a wave of stoplights
drive through the streets as gunshots punctuate the night
the sides we take divide us from our faith
and the morning dove gets caught in the telephone wire

And now you want for me to believe..
That we were not meant to be..
You said it was over, before it could start..
You said you're sorry, but you broke my heart..

for all of this
i'm better off without you
do you regret so
your lonliness

what if i died, would you think less of me?
could you go on?
hey it's ok you were no friend of mine.
yeah drink another one. tip it back, choke it down.

watching the tv, trying hard to find a reason to move.
i'm frozen in one place, staring at the screen.
listening to the rain falling on the street..
some days go on too long..
.bright eyes.- touch.

so why don't you tell me,
how it was too little too late.
as far as I can see
it was the best we the best we could do.
this is what I fought for.
this is not..
so why don't you tell me the truth..

"If I had a life, I'd hate it."
--Rizzo the Rat, from Muppet Treasure Island

go lie to me..
tell me stories so beautiful.
an epic of something so terrible..
that it makes me weep.

And think that I'm impressed
with your one night stands..
and your contagious kiss

What they call love is a risk,
Cause you will always get hit
Out of nowhere by some wave
And end up on your own.-brand new

2004-02-21T18:08:00.000-05:00

currently playing - every me and every you -- Placebo
currently eating/drinking - sprite remixx
currently wearing - black shirt...striped old navy pj pant'sz
current mood - blahh
currently thinking - 20 more day'sz and i hope i can pull this shit off
current quote/lyric - It's not what he tells her, It's what he don't.

I'm dying to explain my heart to you now
Theres so much on my mind it's tearing me apart

let's pretend that we dont need
anything anymore from anyone.
i don't want to feel anything anymore.
let's just pretend we'll live happily ever after.

these are the seasons of emotion
and like the wind they rise and fall
this is the mystery of the quotient
upon us all a little rain must fall

Sometimes I choke on all the
false love that infects me.
Sometimes everything is not
enough to cure the sickness inside of me.

Could somebody show me
the kind of affection
that you only see in the movies?

home...is a feeling I buried in you.
I'm alrite, I'm alrite...
it only hurts when i breathe.

I've got it now
a thorn in my side
the size of a cadillac driving through
because backing out now is next to impossible

JUST TELL NEMO YOU COULDNT FIND HIM
CAUSE YOU WERE TOO BUSY GETTING STONED
..... HE'LL UNDERSTAND. <<< lmao i thought this was too funnie

You said we were an accident
with accidents you'll never know
what could have been
you said we were an accident
you'll always be my favorite one << i think i have this somewhere alreadie..but i <3 it.

"With guys, they're only gonna want what they cant have.
No one wants a beat up brown prada purse from canal street.
Everyone wants the brand new colorful louis vuitton bag
that no one can get. Guys don't want girls who have been around the block."
-Paris Hilton << she is nowhere near as dumb as we think

2004-02-19T15:22:00.000-05:00

currently playing - Love Me -- Murphy Lee
currently eating/drinking - nothing
currently wearing - grey pants -- old navy hoodie
current mood - tired
currently thinking - my toe hurts = (
current quote/lyric - your head in your hands and his kiss; on the lips of another.

what will it be son,
the gun or the girl? and by the powers invested in me,
i now pronouce you.. legally dead.
he put his gun where his mouth was
and swallowed the lead.

True strength comes from within
And we were given this life to live
Don't waste it all on your sorrows
Don't dwell on your past, live for tomorrow

and you cant deny
that I'll be the one mistake
you carry forever
and you cant pretend now
that you thought i'd forget to notice
you werent gone but the truth is its pointless.

Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

this is my sorry for 2004
im not gunna mess up anymore...
i've apologized a million times
so here comes a million and one..

There's a piece of you that's here with me
It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by
I can make believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight

now I'll write I love you down
the same number of times you said it to me
then I'll shove the hundreds of pages down your throat
so you can use them for the next fool that comes around
and thinks you're the world.

i never meant to do those things to you,
so i have to say before i go,
that i just want you to know..
i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be,
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you

I don't want to be anything
other than what I've been trying to be lately
all I have to do is think of me
and I have peace of mind
i'm tired of looking 'round rooms
wondering what I've got to do
who I'm supposed to be
i don't want to be anything other than me

i didnt think there was anybody out there for me, but that all
changed the moment i met you, there hasnt been a time in my
life when you havent been on my mind, and i dont think there
ever will..

do you wanna know what i think of you?
'cause you're not the way i thought you should be
do take back what you said
it's time to fix, it's time to fix your head
and now all alone, one's less than two
i've never been better off living lonely
to listen to what you say
i couldn't care less of what you say
what did you think of me acting this way
i guess you never thought at all
is that what you call your brain?
is that why i call you hang up on me?
i wanted to know, i don't want to lose
and now i'm a man whose just living small
listen to what you say
i couldn't care less of what you say
to me as i walk alone i'd
much rather be riding prone, then
to be just another one you are lame to

2004-02-16T13:42:00.000-05:00

currently playing - A Favor House Atlantic -- Coheed and Cambria
currently eating/drinking - chips and soda
currently wearing - SWR 21 shirt, brown pj pants
current mood - excited
currently thinking - i wanna go ice skating
current quote/lyric - those who have to wait for love,
only appreciate it more when it comes.

This is side one, flip me over
I know I'm not your favorite record.
But the songs you grow to like never stick at first,
So I'm writing you a chorus, and here is your verse...

this is the first thing i remember ..
now its the last thing left on my mind .
afraid of the dark do you hear me whisper .
an empty heart replaced with paranoia
where do we go life's temporary .
after we're gone like new years resolutions
whyy is this hard, do you recognize me .
i know im wrong but i cant help believing
im so lost . im barely here .
wish i could explain myself' .
but words escape me . its too late. to save me
you're too late . you're too late

real love hurts,
real love makes you totally vulnerable and open
real love will take you far beyond yourself
therefore love will devastate you
if love does not shatter you
y o u - d o n' t - k n o w - l o v e

Cinderella walked on broken glass &
Sleepinq beauty let a whole lifetime pass
life is blood sweat & tears . . love means
[ * facin all ur fears * ]

...and if my minds somewhere else,
you won't be able to tell...
I do the best imitation of myself

It's like taking me to the top of the tallest mountain
and showing me the world..
then telling me 'this is what you CAN'T have'

Promise me, that's all I want, just a promise that you will never forget me,
tell me I changed you somehow, let me know that I had an impact on your life, promise me that you will always remember me, losing you was hard enough, but I don't want to go on knowing that I mean absoultely nothing to you

this is because
i can spell konfusion with a K and i like it
its to dying in another's arm and why I had to try it
its to jimmy eat world and those nights in my car
when the first star you see may not be a star
im not your star
isn't that what you said
what you thought this song meant

There's things I haven't told you
I come out late at night
And if I was to tell you
You'd see my different side

When you're young
you think every song is made for you,
like that song is the only thing
that will get you through.

2004-02-14T17:29:00.000-05:00

currently playing - my valentine//martina mcbride
currently eating/drinking - nothing
currently wearing - six flags sweatshirt...pj pants
current mood - happy
currently thinking - today wasnt as bad as i thought it would be
current quote/lyric - like a butterfly pinned to the pages...my heart is yours for the taking

I'll be waiting here for you,
So if you come here
You'll find me, I promise. *

Climb out on this rooftop,
And stare at the city lights below us
This world belongs to us tonight

when your left with only a bullet
i'll bring a trigger and a promise to pull it

and i think you should know
that you have everything
i ever wanted for so damn long

my heart is on my sleeve
wear it like a bruise or blackeye
my badge my witness
that means that i believed
every single lie you said

arent you tired of being weak?
such rage that you could scream
all the stars right out of the sky
and destroy the prettiest starry night
every evening that i die

theres no past tense of love..
you just cant "fall outta love"
it just doesnt work that way

these are the songs that make me smile,
and cry myself to sleep at night,
when im lying without you

and i'll remember the strength that you gave me...
Now that im standing on my own...
and i'll remember the way that you saved me ...

All i have to say is...
if these are the 'best days of my life',
then I'm going to kill myself.

I don't know who to trust ;
Was left for dead before...
I don't belive in you or anything no more

2004-02-11T20:48:00.000-05:00

currently playing - girls wanna have fun//cyndi lauper
currently eating/drinking - pasta
currently wearing - what i wore to school
current mood - cold
currently thinking - i need gloves...and im in the house
current quote/lyric - i've dreamed of this a thousand before, in my dreams i couldnt love you more

You say you've changed and you've matured
Somehow I highly doubt it
Because you still think love
is just a word

...And i'm feeling hurt,
and I've fought back some tears of my own.
But there's something to be said
for those who face the darkness alone...

I can't imagine ever..
looking into someone else's ..eyes..
..or reaching for someone else's ..hand..

And we say goodbye,
and go underground or up towards the sky
up in smoke, burnt down to size.
At least we're still friends.
At least we're still alive.

Its like beauty,
people only pay attention to the outside

and with every beat of her ..heart..
she believes it won't get broken..
..this time..

I remember your face imprinted on angels
Your voice as beautiful as the sound of waves
Crashing against my heart
Time stands still when you look at me
I'm infatuated with this
Infatuated with you

you almost always pick the best times
to drop the worse lines...you almost
made me cry again this time. i never
felt so alone, red flashing lights well
this time i'm not going to watch myself die
i think i've made it a game, to play your
game and let myself cry, i buried myself
alive on the inside. so i could shut you out
and let you go away for a long time...

something bout the way your eyes shine
when the lights are out

all i want is you right now
to spend my waking days in your arms
knowing you love me the way i need to be loved

the real truth is that everyone
is going to hurt you
you just have to decide
who is worth the pain.

i know i died that night.
and ill never be brought back to life...
once again i know.

i know i died that night.
and ill never be brought back to life...
once again i know.

2004-02-10T19:22:00.000-05:00

currently playing - what hurts the most//monica
currently eating/drinking - black cherry soda
currently wearing - punk'd shirt..black swishy pants
current mood - pissed
currently thinking - what a fucking faggot
current quote/lyric - i only regret letting you mean that much to me

you don't know what you've put me through
it's okay, i've forgiven you
but in some way
i hope it fucks with you

the killer in me is the killer in you
my love
I send this smile over to you
disarm you with a smile
and leave you like they left me here
to wither in denial
the bitterness of one who's left alone
ooh, the years burn
ooh, the years burn, burn, burn

Let them say we're crazy
I don't care about that
Put your hand in my hand baby
don't ever look back
Let the world around us just fall apart

i must be some kind of fool
thinking i meant anything to you

maybe cupid should`shoot
himself with his own arrow
then may.be he'd see how '
much love hurts

come with me in the twilight
of a summer night for a while
tell me of a story never ever told in the past
take me back to the land
where my yearnings were born
the key to open the door is in your hand,
now fly me there

love will come to those who still hope
even though they've been disappointed
to those who still believe
although they've been betrayed
and to those who have the courage
and faith to build trust again

take my heart if you like the beat..
Take my lungs if its hard to breathe

they were right when they said
love is the slowest form of suicide
because his lips are laced with extacy
and im addicted to his kiss

i know you would be there either way
im so glad it seems like these times will never fade
so ill tell everyone how much this means to me

2004-02-09T20:54:00.000-05:00

currently playing - nothing
currently eating/drinking - nothing
currently wearing - sweats; white shirt
current mood - blahh
currently thinking - damn him
current quote/lyric - if i told you this was killing me.. would you stop?

and if i ever stop thinking of you
i`d probably choke down the word
i never said and if i stop ever thinkin of you
i`d bury my heart and fall back in my bed

love is a rythm with two hearts beating
pounding out a message steady and true
talk to me baby tell me what your feeling
i know what love is whats it to you

she loves the sweet nothings
That make her feel like something

And i remember lying by your side
felt your heart beat right next to mine
and i'll never forget the way you said goodbye
just another black Autumn passing by

Remember when boys meant yuck and friends were all new.
Dreams were unshattered and worries few.
Recess was to short and life to long.
Decisions came easy with no need to belong.
Storks delivered babies and passions weren't strong.
Friendships were unbroken and we knew right and wrong.
Bad things didn't happen an only skinned knees brought tears.
The night light in its socket quieted all of our fears.
Farewell meant just for summer and real friends didn't part.
Fun went on forever and never left a broken heart.

and i hate being just another memory...

you've got me right where you want me
lets never talk about this again because
i didnt want it to mean that much to me.

And the fear in me
Is what keeps me up at night
And your killing me
but it makes me feel...broken

2004-02-08T18:25:00.000-05:00

currently playing - i miss you//blink 182
currently eating/drinking - nothin
currently wearing - sweats; soccer shirt from a longggg time ago
current mood - happy
currently thinking - i got my computer back : - )
current quote/lyric -count on nobody and no one will let you down

i am finally seeing <3
i was the one worth leaving

It can't rain all the time
The sky won't fall forever
And though the night seems long
Your tears won't fall forever

I just want to mean something to someone…
Anything to anyone…
Sick of being tired
Feeling like everything is all my fault

the air is contagious, no one can save us
nothing this good could ever last
and tonight is a drug that i wont give up
this is my favorite addiction

i can't take this anymore.
when i'm with you... i feel like i'm nothing.
thats why i don't like it when you touch me.
thats why i never touch you;
or even think about you.
because when i start to, it just reminds me
that i'm not good enough.

Destiny is something we've invented
because we can't stand the fact
that everything that happens is accidental.

im tired of trying.
'trying is the reason for living.'
oh. that makes sense now.
'just dont expect much.'
from you? i never did.

because when you realize
you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody,
you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

don't give up fighting until nothing else stands in your way.
don't give up talking until there's nothing left to say.
but no matter what you do,
don't ever compromise what you believe.

but keep my valentine
I'll keep my bleeding heart
Just let me out of here
Before that sentimental music starts
And your regrets fall like empty lines
Like the lies we write on valentines

I resent you so much
For all the things you make me feel,
and for everything you've ever Said to me...
I never meant much to you
There's always something more important
I've had to settle for second best
For way to long.

because you can't laugh last
if i stab you in the throat with the knife you left in my back

your so guilty its disgusting
hes been sneaking underneath your sheets
and your hands have been places that they
probably should'nt go;
but dont worry sweetie....i already know

you'll say sorry, then you'll look away....
somehow i cant put you in the past.

2004-01-28T20:54:00.000-05:00

currently playing - walk away// x-tina
currently eating/drinking - sprite remixx
currently wearing - black pants....old navy sweatshirt
current mood - blahhh
currently thinking - haha American Idol is toooo fucking funny
current quote/lyric - i keep going right back to the one thing that i need to walk away from

im thinking about all the late night phone calls,
and the hours we spent,
and every word you said
i hate being attached

its logical logic
The quickest way to ruin a relationship with someone
is to actually try and have a relationship with them

i wanted you for nothing more
than anything, than what you are
and that’s what you wanted to hear

i'm falling down,
and you're not here to break my fall.
i shut my eyes when you're around,
i hold my breath to kill the sound of your voice.
i'm falling down,
and you're not here to break my fall.

its time for you to choose
the bullet or the chapstick.
"and your far to cute"..or whatever he said

I feel the dream in me expire
and theres no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
cause I cant seem to get this through
You say its over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when Im dying here

.. i fucking hate you
you think everything
will be fine ...

2004-01-27T20:52:00.000-05:00

currently playing - dream lover//mariah carey
currently eating/drinking - vanilla coke
currently wearing - SWR 21 shirt....grey sweats
current mood - idk
currently thinking - haha American Idol is toooo fucking funny
current quote/lyric - cos' i just wanna share forever with you baby

because i need you more than you need me
because i want you more i know
because we move too fucking fast
i think i really had to wish to make this last
i know im sorry please forgive me believe me if you would

i wanted you to know
i love the way you laugh
i wanna hold you high and steal your pain
cause I'm broken
when I'm lonesome
and I don't feel right when you're gone away

A bullet with your name
right through my chest
proving love was worth dying for

you've got a lure I can't deny,
but you've had your chance
so say goodbye

i cant solve ur problems but i can promise
that u wont have to go through them alone

I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
where are you now I can hear footsteps, I'm dreaming

laying away in my empty bed
with a picture of you in my head
you get me drunk off your kiss

you live your life
like your something so perfect
when really lifes not a fairytale
so wake up to reality

you're down for selling me out,
while i play dumb.
but it's cool because i let you.
you thought i'd never catch you.

you said "we're only friends."
yeah, real good friends, i bet.

cause all i want to be
is the minute that you hold me in
when you pretend that i'm all that you waited for

You said there would not be any
reason to fear this world. but
you're the reason i feel broken,
and branded, and burning with doubt.

2004-01-25T14:23:00.000-05:00

currently playing - the jump off// Lil Kim
currently eating/drinking - nothing
currently wearing - Cal remembrance shirt...black pants
current mood - boreddd
currently thinking - i need to study for my midterm....
current quote/lyric - I don't care about nothing at all, but I think the world of you

I’m sorry for everything I’ve said,
and for anything I forgot to say,
when things get so complicated,
I stumble at best muddle through
I wish that our lives could be simple,
I don’t want the world, only you
-//- Aida

The past few weeks I’ve been confused,
sometimes I wonder if I’m better off alone
-//- The Ataris

you still my heart..and you take my breath away..
would you take me in..would you take me deeper now..
'cause you're all i want...you are all i need...
you are everything...everything
-//- Lifehouse

I know he's not perfect!
But he's the one person that will shown up on my birthday
and say I'm glad you were born!
-//- 28 Days

You know that place between sleep and wake,
where you still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll wait for you.
That's where I'll always love you.

Love can kill you. It can tear you apart.
But if you're very lucky, it can bring you back together.
-//- The Wonder Years

I'm sorry. I know I did something terrible, horrible to you,
and if I could take it back I would.
I sometimes wish you would do something horrible to me
and then we'd be even.
but you, you would never do that.
It's just that all these things are happening and I need someone.
You're the only one I can talk to...you've always been the only one
-//- The Wonder Years

In seventh grade you are what other people say you are.
When it comes down to it,
you don't remember the people you tried to impress.
-//- The Wonder Years

You've got me under your spell,
and don't think that I'm kidding around..
don't think I can forget you now
-//- Saves The Day

I've written a note,
it's pressed between pages
that you've marked to find your way back.
It says "Does he ever get the girl?"
But what if the pages stay pressed,
the chapters unfinished,
the stories too dull to unfold?
-//- Dashboard Confessional

there are things in life that matter.
there are things in the past that remain,
he was a part of my life, and i was a part of his,
and i knew for as long as i lived i would never let him go
-//- The Wonder Years

2004-01-24T20:19:00.000-05:00

currently playing - showdown//britney spears
currently eating/drinking - rice
currently wearing - grey hoodie...red velour pants
current mood - frustrated
currently thinking - planning surprises is hard
current quote/lyric - when I speak from my heart; you laugh like it's a game

stretching my arms out as far as they go
..i want you to know no matter what..
i love you this much

entertain me;
tell me "it didnt mean anything"

i want to do to you
exactly what you did to me
lead you on
make u fall for me
and then just let you go

We're finding hope in light
You're my dreams tonight
With you I'm falling in love
For the very first time
-the early november

So keep the blood in your head
And keep your feet on the ground
If today's the day it gets tired
Today's the day we drop out

Excuse me but this won't take long
I'm sorry for writing you this song but just what do you think you deserve?
Because when you had the chance for romance you burned it at both ends

this love, this love is a strange love, a faded kind of mellow,
this love...this love, I think I'm gonna fall again,
and whenever you held my hand, it didn't mean a thing,
mean a thing, think I'm gonna fall again,

fate does exist- but it can only take you so far
- after that- its up to you to make things happen

In all my life I've never found what I couldn't resist,
what I couldn't turn down.
I could walk away from anyone I ever knew,
but I can't just walk away from you.

this confusion is my illusion
nowhere to look
but know where to find you

2004-01-23T23:08:00.000-05:00

currently playing - nothing
currently eating/drinking - ginger ale
currently wearing - what i wore to school...
current mood - tired
currently thinking - SLEEEPPPPPP
current quote/lyric - No more lies. Please give me another chance. I'm a wreck without you.

* WARNING * I'M EXTREMELYYYYY TIRED...SO I MIGHT POST A QUOTE MORE THAN ONCE...OR POST ONE THAT I POSTED 2 DAYS AGO.

see i've been waiting all this time
to be something i can't define so
lets cause a scene, clap our hands
and stomp our feet or something,
yeah something, i've just got to
GET MYSELF OVER ME

You're no good at lying and I'm no good at comebacks.
But you're so untouchable and I'm oh so terrible at this

am i giving enough? is it all it should be?
when water gets rough will you still swim with me?
so afraid to come close and maybe to soon
and maybe to much for you to consume
and i wanna know if i can live inside your world
and i wanna know if i can give it to you, boy.

"And if you could teach the world to be..
I'd teach them all to be something just like me.
Frustrated, bitter, depressing."

it's okay if you have go away
just remember the telephone works both ways
and if I never ever hear it ring,
if nothing else,
I'll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else

Why do we do it?
Because we choose to live the dream
instead of choosing to live the life.

.dont.waste.your.lips.on.words.ive.heard.before.
.my love life is like a murder scene.
so forget everything you think you know about me.
she whispers into the mirror.."im broken."

these are the words of the unsophisticated heartbroken romantics

2004-01-21T13:22:00.000-05:00

YOU KNOW YOU GREW UP IN THE 80's or early 90's IF-

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE."
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair"
4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom .................................................
8. Two words: M.C. Hammer
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock."
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales."
12. When it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your Mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore Jordache Jean jacket and you were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear...
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten.
21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing.
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off...
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took Lunch Pails to school.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor T-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought Sheera and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of jelly shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know what you are, but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slid e.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's.
41. You've gone through this list occasionally saying "Totally awesome"
42. You remember Popples.
43. "Don't worry, be happy"
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down.
46. "Miss MARY MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK"
47. You remember boom boxes Vs. CD players.
48. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
49. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!"
50. You remember watching Rainbow Bright and My Little Pony Tales"
51. You thought Doogie Howser was hot.
52. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
53. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell," the ORIGINAL class.
55. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME.

ones in bold apply to me.

2004-01-20T19:11:00.000-05:00

currently playing - whiteflag//dido
currently eating/drinking - moutain dew
currently wearing - old navy sweatshirt..pj pants
current mood - hyper
currently thinking - idk why we arent talking
current quote/lyric - "And if I don't make it, know that, I loved you all along"

the most delicate of love shatters
somewhere between the lines,
somehow between the fights.
and sometimes the print drips ink
that we'll just never understand.

"after he breaks your heart
Then you'll be sad,
so sad and then your teardrops start I tell you,
then you'll know how it hurts to be alone"

Because you can't laugh last
If i stab you in the throat
with the knife you left in my back

so we pray for night, to start over again
words are spoken words are broken down

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

Love is good and love is kind
Love is drunk and love is blind
Love is good and love is mine
Love is drunk all the time

Broken hearts are often
caused by unspoken words

it`s better to have lost love,
then put on a smile

And If I could teach the world to be..
I’d teach them all to be something just like me.
Frustrated, bitter, depressing.

One last touch and then you'll go
and we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
but it was vile, and it was cheap.
And you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me.
and pretend

ill be living off your phone calls
in your letters and your postcards
every single word is like a secret wish come true
who cares if we're apart for the big days
its the small ones that made me fall in love with you

2004-01-18T20:22:00.000-05:00

currently playing - fuck it//eamon
currently eating/drinking - moutain dew
currently wearing - Punk'd tshirt, pj pants
current mood - tired
currently thinking - fuck him
current quote/lyric - fuck what i said...it dont mean shit now

try to understand.. there's an old mistake
that fools will make..and i'm the king of them..
pushing everything that's good away..

too many times I've let love pass
driving further away but I'm all out of gas
never did I think I'd find you
so I sit down and write these words in tribute
don't push it away these words are sincere
since you, my everday has been so clear
I thank you for everything I truly do
with this song please carry on
and I'll be here thinking of you

love is hard love is strong
you will never say that you were wrong
i don't know when i got bitter
but love is surely better when it's gone

If you're so funny
then why are you on your own tonight?
and if you're so clever
then why are you on your own tonight?
if you're so very entertaining
then why are you on your own tonight?
if you're so very good looking
why do you sleep alone tonight?

Learn from your past
move on
grow stronger.
People are fake but let your trust last longer.
Do what you have to do,
but always stay true,
and never let anyone get the best of you.

comin down the years turned over
angels fall without you there
and i go on and leave you home
and all because ive become what you became to me

Late dawns and early sunsets,
just like my favorite scenes.
Then holding hands and life was perfect,
just like up on the screen

i don't mind the weather
i've got scarves and caps and sweaters.
i've got long johns under slacks for blustery days;

They're playing love songs on the radio tonight
I can't relate to that right now

And there was hope in me
That I could take you there
But dammit you're so young
But I don't think I care
and if I hurt you then i'm sorry
It's just this guilt has got the best of me

2004-01-15T17:46:00.000-05:00

currently playing - Autumn's Monolouge//F.A.T.A
currently eating/drinking - orange soda
currently wearing - sixx flags hoodie...pj pants
current mood - blah
currently thinking - hmmm....wtf is goin on w/ him
current quote/lyric - He's in the back of your mind, all of the time
Learn to forget, lovely forget

And I wish my luck would change...
But you're the only person
I would ever want to break my heart

Some rules are made
with all intentions to break

i'd like to cherish you
but don't let this become
my worst mistake

oh it's so hard to have someone to love
and keeping quiet is hard
cause you can't keep a secret
if it never was a secret to start
(you could at least pretend you didn't want to get caught)

Remember me,
I'm the one standing to the right of you
whispering in your ear,
"I'm gonna be with you forever."

we're concentrating
on falling apart
we were contenders
and we're throwing
the fights, i just want
to believe, i just want
to believe, i just want
to believe.. in us

The trick to being a good sniper
is to shoot between heart beats.

here's to the many things
i meant but i never said

Absence makes the heart grow stronger
i don't want to wait no longer.

it seems you're always looking for that
one thing to make your life complete..

2004-01-11T21:18:00.000-05:00

You want a song of glory
Well I'm fucking screaming at you...

oh why can't i be what you need
a new improved version of me
but i'm nothing so good, no i'm nothing
just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
of violence, of love, and of sorrow
i beg for just one more tomorrow
where you'll hold me down, fold me in
deep, deep, deep in the heart of your sin

so i guess i'll be the bigger person...
I'll be the one to say
"I hope you get everything you want...and deserve"

This is the only lonely picture waiting on my floor
littering my shore
this is the last true burning letter
given to a girl written by a boy
living in a world created to destroy

i tied a ribbon around my finger
to remind me of who i was
and in the process i realized i was nobody.

born with nothing-die with everything
i wont die until i have everything

if looks could really kill
my profession would be staring
know we do this 'cause we care
not for the thrill.

if hearts were unbreakable...
than i could just tell you where i stand...

i don't know when i got bitter...
but love is surely better when it's gone

I will take
a bullet with your name, right through my chest.
proving that your love, is worth dying for...

and i'm certain if i drive into those trees
it'd make less of a mess
than you've made of me

2004-01-08T19:16:00.000-05:00

And I apologize for,
Staying quiet when we should have talked
Running forward when we should have walked

One more time in this game we play.
Sorry that i couldnt make you stay.
Placing pieces on the floor.
Off all the things that we loved before.
And my heart is breaking..

I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak.
I'd share with you,
could I only speak, just how much this hurts me.
I cannot stay here. I cannot leave.
Just like all I loved, I'm make-believe.

you wear a beautiful disguise
to hide such an ugly lie

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask myself,
Where have I gone wrong?
Then a voice says to me,
This is going to take more than one night."
-Charlie Brown

He handed her 12 roses 11 real and 1 fake
and said i will love u until the last rose dies.

I guess i made a big mistake
Thinkin' you're a habit i can break
Well, i'm addicted to you now i see
Everything i love is killing me

Oh why cant i be what you need...
a new improved version of me.
But Im nothing so good, no Im nothing.
Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs,
of violence , of love and of sorrow. I
beg for just one more tomorrow,
where you hold me down fold me in...
deep, deep, deep in the heart of your sins.
I break in 2 over you.
I break in 2 and each piece of me dies,
and only you can give the breath of life.
But you dont see me, you dont...

It seems like just yesterday,
when we would stay up late out on your front lawn.
Talking about where we've been
and all the places we're going.
We would lose track of time
watching cars pass us by
and I would sneak back home before the sunrise.....
And how everyday would seem so long
and every night would go on and on and on...

Infatuation with someone
can create a reason
that they're the one you're meant for.
No matter how stupid the reason,
It always finds a way to take control...

Here's a letter for you
But the words get confused
And the conversation dies
Apologize for the past
Talk some shit take it back
Are we cursed to this life

Should've said something but i've said it enough.
By the way my words were faded.
Rather waste some time with you.

and breathe in deep let it out slow
did you hear its all my fault again
i know why no one else knows
why im here all alone again

Her picture will remain unbroken
she cries tonight "I fell in love"...
Wipe each tear away with sand paper tonight I'm not alone...
I just wanna get your fucking voice out of my head...

2004-01-03T21:43:00.000-05:00

currently playing - 3 A.M.//Matchbox 20
currently eating/drinking - snapple
currently wearing - red sweats..white shirt
current mood - upset
currently thinking - i think he's mad at me
current quote/lyric - i caused nothing but trouble.... i understand if you can't talk to me again

the trouble with love is
it can tear you up inside
make your heart believe a lie
its stronger than your pride
the trouble with love is
it doesnt care how fast you fall
and you can't refuse the call
See you've got no say at all

my love must be a kind of blind love
I can't see anyone but you
are the stars out tonight!?
I don't know if it's cloudy or bright
cos' I only have eyes for you,

Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind.

I'll watch you crash and burn
promises are words never meant to be kept

...Im waiting for this sky to fall,
I'm waiting for a sign.
All we are, is all so far...
You're falling back to me,
you're a star that I can see.
I know you're out there, somewhere out there.
You're falling out of reach, defying gravity.
I know you're out there, somewhere out there.

People ask why I'm in love with you
Well let me start by saying
You got my heart by just being who you are..

you 've got this silly way
of keeping me on the edge
of my seat you're one love
struck fool ready to fall in
love tonight under the sky

2003-12-30T18:19:00.000-05:00

They might think you think you’re happy
Yeah, maybe for a minute or two
They can’t make you laugh
No, they can’t make you feel the way that I do

this is you
trying hard to make sure that your seen,
with a girl on your arm
and your heart on your sleeve...
remind me not to ever think of you again

nobody's supposed to be
half a world away at times like these,
so i sat alone,
and waited out the Night...
the best part of what has happened
was the part i must have missed...
so im askin you to shine it out
and stick around...
im not writing my goodbyes

How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls
swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
I wish you were here.

Your life's a disaster
She said Kill me Faster

When I close my eyes,
You're all that I see,
When I take a gasp for life,
You're all that I breathe,
My hopes and dreams,
Are set on making yours come true,
My life isn't the greatest,
But I'll devote it to you,
Just take me by the hand,
And I'll go with you tonight,
Don't play with my heart,
And I'll kiss you goodnight,

Take a picture from off the wall
Cos you think that nothing matters
Take a picture from the plane
Cos it's a long way to the floor
Cut your finger on the edge
Because it's sharper than they told you
Take a leap from out the window
Cause it's way too far to go through the door

If you let me listen I'll make you feel clear
You spend your time waiting for anyone to see
If you should stop for a while
You will find me standing by
Over here at the side of your life
I'd like to hold you still, remind you of all you've missed

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

We were doomed from the start, as lovers are.
Why am I doing this? Digging my own grave.
Though it's shallow, I would lie in it.
We're down in the basement, in the dark,
after we crash your car.
Hoping fast that my arrow, hits the mark,
so you know who we are.

If I had one wish this is what it would be...
I'd ask you to spend all your time with me,
That we'd be together forever.
We'd buy a small house in south central L.A.
Raise lots of kids then we'd both join a gang
Just as long as we're together

and i'm not really sure...
if coming from you..
i'd understand the truth.

2003-12-28T20:33:00.000-05:00

Can we start again..
go back to what it meant back then?
Open minds and open hearts...
the things that set us apart.

and so I hope you
know when the sky
comes crashing down,
i'll love you, always...

she dont want no one around
she dont want anybody to see
what she looks like when shes down
cause the truths a sad place to be

i'll be true, i'll be useful...
i'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
and i'll belong to you...
if you'll just let me through.
this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes...

Consider this a letter that I never sent.
However inconsiderate it seems.
Do you still consider me the boy you laughed with,
or that you learned to live without?

I wont jump cause now
I know you'd never catch me

I get away almost every day with
what the girls call
what the girls call
MURDER.

i might not know what a friend is,
all i know is what you're not

Wrap me inside you're insecurities
and I can become the cure to
you're problems.

I have no fear of losing you
cuz you cant lose something....
you never had...

for a lack of better
words to say
all i said was goodnight
once again
in my defense i wont sleep a wink
to prevent dreaming of you

I fought them all off
just to hold you close and tight.

i'm so lost, i'm barely here
i wish i could explain myself
but words escape me; it's too late

Just stay long enough to see me die
Hold my hand
I want you to have my last breath
So kiss me

2003-12-27T15:57:00.000-05:00

currently playing - the boy is mine//brandy ft. monica
currently eating/drinking - gatorade
currently wearing - whatever i fell asleep in
current mood - shotttttt
currently thinking - nyquil is dangerous
current quote/lyric - i'm not looking for someone perfect
just someone who's worth it <3

Until my jealousy eats me alive,
Until I prove that without you, I can survive.
Until God shows that love doesn't take sides,
You still won't see.

Sometimes
you think you know someone so well,
but the whole time
you were just seeing what you wanted to see.

When a woman loves a man
he can make her do anything he wants to.
Love is the only game in which two can play and both lose.

We've had our share of hard times
But that's the price we paid
And through it all we kept the promise that we made
I swear you'll never be lonley.

The amount of times you have
ran across my mind....

a bullet
with your name right through my chest
proving love was worth dying for

Here. A little jealousy
I hope you think of me
Hope you wonder where I sleep at night
Cause I feel like I'm inside out
You got me upside down
Maybe I was holding on too tight

tonight.
I'll stand in the light
so you can count
how many tears fall from my eyes
this time I'll be alright
my heart cant get any worse.

the time is 2:22
and i hope your wish comes true
but you say i'll know before you do
and i hope youre right

tell me why i should stay
cause i don't wanna waste another moment
saying things we were never meant to say

put your arms up around your knees
and hide out inside your room
pretend you can't feel at all

in my defense
i wont sleep a wink tonight
to prevent dreaming of you

if i cut off your arms and legs
and wrapped you in some fucked-up cocoon,
would you still look at me and say...
you can't catch what you can't see
well i caught you honey,
like the clap sugar.
what do you think of that

2003-12-24T18:53:00.000-05:00

currently playing - too close//next
currently eating/drinking - gatorade
currently wearing - Puma hoodie...purple pj pants
current mood -
currently thinking - i better be feelin better by x-mas
current quote/lyric - she taps her finger....to the beat of her heart

je veux signifier quelque chose Ã vous <3
I want to mean something to you

your eyelashes tickled my neck
with every nervous blink
and it was perfect

we were meant to live for so much more..
have we lost ourselves.

if i cut off your arms and legs and wrap you in some fucked-up cocoon,
would you still look at me and say...
you can't catch what you can't see?
well i caught you honey,
like the clap sugar. what do you think of that

Like calendars dying at New Year's Eve parties,
As we kiss hard on the lips
I swear this year will be better than the last

Sooner or later we begin to understand that love is more
than verses on valentines and romance in the movies. We
begin to know that love is here and now, real and true,
the most important thing in our lives. For love is the
creator of our favourite memories and the foundation of our
fondest dreams. Love is a promise that is always kept, a
fortune that can never be spent, a seed that can flourish
in even the most unlikely of places. And this radiance that
never fades, this mysterious and magical joy, is the
greatest treasure of all - one known only by those who love.

Every step that I take
is another mistake to you

For the chance to be together would u risk it all?
Through the fire, or whatever may come?
Right down to the wire, even through the fire?
..Id gladly risk it all.

For the chance to be together would u risk it all?
Through the fire, or whatever may come?
Right down to the wire, even through the fire?
..Id gladly risk it all.

please send me anything
but signals that are mixed

2003-12-22T22:56:00.000-05:00

currently playing - meant to live//switch foot
currently eating/drinking - pepsi
currently wearing - SWR 21 shirt...white pj pants w/ blue stars on them
current mood - blahhh eff him
currently thinking - relationships should not be this hard..haha yehh im still thinkin it
current quote/lyric - because I'd be a different me, with a different you...if that's what you need.

If you've never had a broken heart,
then you are either very lucky or very lonely

I'm gonna build a fire in the middle of July
burn' your pictures and go for a drive down to the river
watch the ink from ur love letters fade
come back home and turn that old mattress over
pour out the whiskey
try waking up sober
gonna change it all 'tonight'
gonna do whatever it takes

Did it ever occur to you
that you're so caught up in trying to make the right choice
that you've never stopped to consider the possibility
that there may not be a right choice,
or a wrong choice, just a bunch of choices?

I'd rather die a thousand deaths
then let you
get the best
of me <3

you take me back to this place
where everything is happy
and hearts can never be broken

sometimes you gotta break the rules
and stand apart
ignore your head and follow your heart. .

in the end,
peter pan pulled off tinkerbell's wings
so she could never leave.
sometimes love is just another way to bleed

i want to save you
i want to save you
i need you, to save me too

so far I've learned..
love doesn't conquer all.
That love ends. And then it begins again

Until your jealousy eats you alive,
Until I prove that without you, I can survive.
Until God shows that love doesn't take sides,
You still won't see.

You wanna know what the truth is?
I still love you..
I probably will love you for a long time
But I cant just be your buddy
because as much as I enoy the concept...
of being "just friends"
in reality, its a bizarre form of torture
and im not willing to participate in it
So right now what I'm gunna do
is just try to move on and get over you
and the only way for me to do that
is to not be around you anymore.

Though dreams can be deceiving
Like faces are to hearts
They serve for sweet relieving
When fantasy and reality lie

tell me something that's sure to break my heart
cause everything's my fault
and i know
i deserve to be alone
cause everything's my fault.

DAWSON: Hey, once upon a time, you yourself told me
that some love stories never end. What happened to that girl?
JOEY: She offered herself to the boy she loved.
The boy she thought loved her back. And he rejected her.
DAWSON: Joey, listen to me: If we are truly meant to be,
then we will find our way back to each other. It's as simple as that
.

2003-12-20T22:23:00.000-05:00

currently playing - have you ever//brandy
currently eating/drinking - vitamin water
currently wearing - punk'd shirt..grey sweats
current mood - mad
currently thinking - relationships should not be this hard
current quote/lyric - all that i know is i just don't understand, why my happieness lies in the palm of your hand

The drops of rain they fall all over
This awkward silence makes me crazy
The glow inside burns light upon him
I'll try to kiss you if you let me
(this can't be the end)

life is only as good as the memories we make
and im taking back what belongs to me

and these cold winter nights without you next to me
it feels like twenty below,
frostbite on my heart
this pain and suffering are feelings that you dont know

take what i have
take these broken remains.
regret the kiss that sealed my fate.
your always on my mind
im bleeding
and the blood it spells your name.
no need to cut me open,
i died of a broken heart.

maybe im not ready for this and you know it
mayb im too scared to tell you
what im really thinking
did i just give up the best thing i ever had?

ever since I was little i pictured
love and how perfect it all is
till one day I grew up
and realized not everything is so simple

yOu dream Of lOve thats everlasting
well baby Open up yOur eyes

Take my hand,
I will give you a tour of my broken heart
... and show you how my face can be smiling..
but my heart can be crying

if i had to explain it, i wouldn't know where to start.
it's like you're falling in love while im just falling apart.

and in her eyes you see nothing
no sign of love behind the tears

Cause I'm through being cool
he keeps telling everyone about me.

2003-12-18T20:44:00.000-05:00

currently playing - can i get a fuck you//jay z
currently eating/drinking - nufn
currently wearing - red velour pants...black six flags hoodie
current mood - sick
currently thinking - i need a outfit for da dance
current quote/lyric - .eye. {heart} ::yOu::

i want to feel through u tonight
but i wont make you, no i wont make you
scream my name just one more time ..

please stay, until i'm gone
i'm here hold on
to me..i'm right here
..waiting
and take my one last breath
and don't forget..that i will
be right here
..waiting

we'l make it up as we go
there's nothing better
than winter weather

I know forever isn't long enough
to forget the faces and places
... that played out your tragedy.

I hope you choke
on every word you spoke
when you were screaming at me

There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight...

Thinking of you keeps me awake.
Dreaming of you keeps me asleep.
Being with you keeps me alive.

when it's not me who's forgetting all our dreams
because you know that i'd do anything for you
and you see that it's aching me inside
and i watch you go
and i don't run after you
and i guess i just let you down

Woke up yesterday with u on my mind
so afraid of running out of time
so come around again and i`ll show u what i mean
and u can tell me exactly what u need
and we can talk all night and i will sing u lullabies
not in every arrow is pointed straight at ur heart
sorry for the time i said too much
i was so afraid that u would fall out of touch
and we can talk all night & i will sing u lullabies
not every arrow is pointed straight at ur heart
so come around again and we can talk all night
so come around again, so come around again
and we can talk all night
i will sing u lullabies

just wait and you'll see,
you're everything i want .
dont take this from me *

wind strong in my face, im still staggering through
im closer to the ground than i will ever get to you

2003-12-17T17:07:00.000-05:00

currently playing - foolish//ashanti
currently eating/drinking - nothin
currently wearing - w.e. i wore to bed
current mood - cold
currently thinking - blahh i need to wrap presents
current quote/lyric -i'd really love to b/r/e/a/k your heart. .

watch your mouth..
hold your tongue
some things are better left unsaid

I'm such a sucker.
And I'm always the last to know.
My insides are copper and I'd kill to make them gold.
Conversation got me here:
Another night alone in the city.
So make my bed the grave and shovel dirt onto my sheets.
Every friend we ever had in common.
I will sever the tie with you.
You can thank your lucky stars
that everything I wish for will never come true

A star up in the sky,
goes slowly passing by,
the lights below spell out your name,
youre comfort on my mind,
and youre with me all the time,
and lots of feelings I cant explain....

im sick of always crying. .
dont wanna be sick of trying
but you gotta want me too . .

Are you afraid of being alone?
Cause i am, i'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight?
Cause i am, i'm lost without you

Dont know
what i was looking for when i went home.
i found me alone.
And sometimes,
i need someone to say you'll be alright,
whats on your mind

and i wake up time and time again
with nothing of you forever.
i need you to be with me
dreams can only keep me happy for so long.
and i will wait my love.
i promise to do to right
for just one moment to be alone with you.

tu la estrella en mi ojo
* your the star in my eye *

i always said i'm a lover and not a fighter,
but please sir, somethings gotta give

in the core of your soul.
you're eyes shine.
you're pretty when you cry.
how beautiful you are.
i love you, love.

Can we start again...
go back to what it meant back then?
Open minds and open hearts...
the things that set us apart

Don't mind what the other voices say
They don't care about you, well i do... well i do
Safe from the pain and truth and choice and other posion devils
See.. they don't give a fuck about you, like i do

never thought I could want someone so much
Cause now youâ€™re not here
And Iâ€™m knee deep in my own fear
Forgive my indecision...

Everybody's got a little something to hide... but me
Everybody's got a little someone to crush... but me
I'm living in teenage negative mediocrity
Everybody's got a little someone to trust... but me
But me, but you

walked away, heard them say
poisoned hearts will never change
walked away again

Is this what you call love
For I've never known how sweet a love can be,
Come in my dreams and love me again,
For days to come no more,
Rescue me from torture of absence,
Relieve me with your loving presence,
Embrace this flower, never let it wither,
Join me in heavens, flowers in summer,
My memories you live, the love that I give.

2003-12-16T20:52:00.000-05:00

currently playing - the fiction we live//from autumn to ashes
currently eating/drinking - diet pepsi
currently wearing - punk'd shirt...black swishy pants
current mood - sick
currently thinking - should i ask him?
current quote/lyric - I Wanted To Be Just Like You, So Perfect, So Untouchable

A hiccup in paradise
I keep you jealousy to myself,
in a photo the size of a kiss,
a kiss in the shape of a bullet.

I want to lay on the tracks...
Feel hot steal screaming at me
expose the bones on my back.
Let me show you what I mean.
Yeah, its a different kind of love...

If you let me listen I'll make you feel clear
You spend your time waiting for anyone to see
If you should stop for a while
You will find me standing by
Over here at the side of your life
I'd like to hold you still,
remind you of all you've missed

There are things you should know
The distance between us seems to grow
But you're holding on strong
Oh how hard it's to let go, oh so hard to let go

I don't want to let you know
That it's killin' me
I know you got another life
You got to concentrate
Baby

so, sing me something soft, sad & delicate
or loud and out of key...sing me anything
we're glad for what we've got

You're someone I want to be around
even when I feel like being alone.

2003-12-14T12:40:00.000-05:00

currently playing - angel//sarah mclachlan
currently eating/drinking - cookie
currently wearing - blue aero shirt...black velour pants
current mood -
currently thinking - its snowing...again
current quote/lyric - I break in two over you

Please just don't play with me,
My paper heart will bleed..
This wait for destiny won't do
Be with me please I beseach you
Simple things, that make you run a-way
Catch you if I can..

and all i need to know
is that i'm somethin you'll be missin
maybe i should hate you for this
never really did ever quite get that far

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world
I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

Those words
at best were worse than teenage poetry
Fragment ideas and too many pronouns.
Literate and stylish, kissable and quiet, well
thats what girls dreams are made off

So I'll check the weather wherever you are
Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight

Though I know you are asleep
I whisper to your ear
Words that would make you feel
Like the night when we first kissed
Tracing shadows around your lips
I thought I felt a smile
Or can you hear me say
That I'm in love with you?

And people hate me,
cause I'm better than you
And people hate me
And that's the motherfucking truth
People hate me and you can all fuck off
I'm perfect, pissed off, beautiful, I'm God

I just want to tell you all the things you are
And all the things you mean to me
When I find myself in need and there's no place to go
When I feel the loneliness inside my heart

it's so much easier to just say i dont like him
then have to explain all the reasons why i still do

2003-12-10T20:25:00.000-05:00

currently playing - angel//sarah mclachlan
currently eating/drinking - cookie
currently wearing - blue aero shirt...black velour pants
current mood - sick
currently thinking - i think im going through withdrawl lol...but not the drug kind
current quote/lyric - "a broken heart is murder for the soul"

Go on and break it,
break another little piece of my heart now darlin,
come on and take it
take another little piece of my heart now baby,
you know you got it when it makes you feel good.

if you love someone..set them on fire
like they do to your heart.

Easy come, easy go..
this wont break my heart (dontcha know)
Sometimes high, sometimes low,
easy come, easy go..

when i tell you i love you...
i dont say it to start a conversation,
i say it to remind you that
your the best thing that ever happend to me...

i took a shot at the world and i missed.
traded my bow for a new year's kiss.
broken arrows and loveless wrists.
and if it wasn't so cold i'd swear that this was hell.

waking up from this nightmare
hows your life? whats it like there?
is it all what you want it to be?
does it hurt when you think about me?
and how broken my heart is ...

if anyone ever writes another song about you.
if anyone ever sings another melodie
with your name in it.
just remeber i did it best
meant it the most

" but she's probably looking ..
for so much more than he could ever give .
a life free of lies .. a meaningful relationship .

i dont mind the sound of your voice
but i hate the words you say

ehhhh so c0nfused!!!!

2003-12-09T11:50:00.000-05:00

x8 ShortiE 9x: Hey..This is Mishs friend Cori....i have somethin to tell u but i dunno if u can say somethin to her cuz i dotn know if i was allowed to tell u
Nsroyals44: wut
x8 ShortiE 9x:i think she likes u cuz she talks bout u n stuff
Nsroyals44: a quien
Nsroyals44: who
x8 ShortiE 9x: i think Misha likes u
Nsroyals44: no she dont wat do she say bout me
x8 ShortiE 9x: yes she does like u
x8 ShortiE 9x: she jus like always talks bout u
Nsroyals44: n wut does she say bnout m
x8 ShortiE 9x: how she likes u...how she likes talkin to u ...
Nsroyals44: oo
x8 ShortiE 9x: yea but dont say anythin to her i dunno if i was allowed to tell u
Nsroyals44: n who r u
x8 ShortiE 9x: Cori her good friend
x8 ShortiE 9x: do u care
Nsroyals44: not realli i never gonna se her so
x8 ShortiE 9x:do u like her as a friend>
Nsroyals44: yeh
x8 ShortiE 9x: thats it
xstarlitdreams: be like...wait nvm..um i think she thinks your a dirtbag
x8 ShortiE 9x: y lol
xstarlitdreams: becuase
x8 ShortiE 9x: i stopped talkin to him though
xstarlitdreams: jus call him a dirtbag anyway!
x8 ShortiE 9x: lol
x8 ShortiE 9x: kk i told him
xstarlitdreams: NO YOU DIDNT
xstarlitdreams: I DIDNT WANT YOU TO
x8 ShortiE 9x: u told me to
x8 ShortiE 9x: xstarlitdreams: jus call him a dirtbag anyway!
xstarlitdreams: ahhh lol i didnt mean it
x8 ShortiE 9x: Nsroyals44: oo
x8 ShortiE 9x: sry
x8 ShortiE 9x: .i dunno if she still likes u thugh lol sry...she thinks u can be a dirtbag some times no affense
Nsroyals44: oo

yehh so in case i forget exactly what happened lol...as a constant reminder as to why i should never ever ever...say anything...or let people talk me into saying anything...Cori (shortie) IMed him and told him...even though i didnt think it was the best idea and she was like it'll be fine and than he was like nahh she doesnt (he said the same thing when nicole told him i hated him lol he's not good w/ emotions i dont think) and than i was on the phone w/ nicole...and cori told nicole that he was asking her what she looked like...and i told cori to call him a dirtbag lol...but i didnt tell her to say it came from me and she did...and he did what he always did and he was like o0o. and than he IMed me later...stupid me..i dont have that convo anymore. and idk i wasnt in the greatest of moods...and he wasn't helping and i flipped lol. so yehh...if you ever need to fuck yourself over completely. this is exactly how to do it. i would know because im a world class fuck up.

2003-12-09T11:41:00.000-05:00

currently playing - magazines//brand new
currently eating/drinking - nufn
currently wearing - white shirt...grey sweats
current mood - =/ sleepy
currently thinking - its better to keep shit to myself..cuz i jus fucked myself over
current quote/lyric - i'll leave my door open all night, in case you decide you wanna stop on by.

if you love somebody
set them on fire..

when it comes to sayin goodbye
thats a simple word that i just cannot say

i'd like to stay a secret,
like walking in the dark;
if no one knows you,
no one cares so no one breaks your heart.

...let your heart guide you,
it whispers, so listen carefully...

so i'm just the medicine you take when your sick.
you get well and thats it.
i'm put back on the shelf in your mirror.

It's funny how I find myself
in love with you
if I could buy my reasoning
I'd pay to lose
one half won't do
I've asked myself
how much do you commit yourself?

I never wanted us to fade out
Resting on a love that fell apart
Where are you, I need you
You still have my heart

so yehhh i told him...im gunna put the convo in here as a constant remind of how i royally fucked up.

2003-12-08T07:09:00.000-05:00

currently playing - objection//shakira
currently eating/drinking - toast
currently wearing - grey sweats, hoodie
current mood - sleepy
currently thinking - im gunna tell him
current quote/lyric - They'll know you're mine by the fingerprints on your throat

If all i am is a distraction for you
Then i cant complain that you can't
feel something for me.
Take all you can find in me.

Now be still, it wont be long
We will be together in search of a new life
Striving as one in this will to find
Something pure
Im missing you now Im quite sure
That I finally found someone

He was in me...in my blood...
invading every cell in my body.
He was the one I wanted.
He was the one i saw,
felt, desired.<3

We were both 16 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day
Staying up all night

Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinking of you
And the times we had... baby

i know how in your eyes, im not worthy.
i know that you dont think
about me as much as you used to,
im only your stand in...if that.

2003-12-07T20:17:00.000-05:00

currently playing - behind blue eyes//limp bizkit
currently eating/drinking - pepsi
currently wearing - green velour pants, white long sleeve shirt
current mood - hyper
currently thinking - me and nicole are havin one wierd convo lolol
current quote/lyric - Romance is just a falsified form of pain.

Scuse me, I apologize he likes your attitude,
he tries it on for size he spends the afternoon,
between your thighs how's that for gratitude,
I apologize.

Sometimes all you can do is close your eyes
and give yourself over to
Starlit Dreams

well, everyone's found someone
how come no ones found me?

so i sat in my room for 27 days . . .
no he never called, i had somthing to say

they were right when they said
love is the slowest form of suicide
because your lips are laced with cyanide
i'm so addicted to your kiss.

Stay for a while, stay forever.
Sing for the times you are bound to betray.
Run for your life, run forever,
your eyes tell a lie and the liar must always die

I want to see if you
By chance you know what I'm going through
I want to see if you
By chance you know what I'm going through

2003-12-06T20:44:00.000-05:00

currently playing - lover i dont have to love//bright eyes
currently eating/drinking - pepsi
currently wearing - whatever i went to bed in
current mood - hyper...and bored
currently thinking - i want a quad
current quote/lyric - i want a lover i dont have to love, i want a boy whose to drunk to give a fuck

Put ur hands in the sky
Surrender, remember
Well be here forever
and well never say goodbye...

Soaking in sympathy
from friends who never loved you
nearly half as much as me

And she would cry,
Liar, liar! What have I done?
You're no lover, and I'm no fighter

I was young and so naive
wearing my heart on my sleeve
and so I gave it to you
now left in pieces like broken jewels

..You said tonight
is a wonderful night to die
I asked u how u could tell
You told me to look at the sky
Look at all those stars
Look at how goddamn ugly the stars are..

You almost always pick the best time
to drop the worst lines.
You almost made me cry again this time...
Well this time I'm not going to watch myself die.

I want so badly
to believe that there is truth
and love is real.
And I want life in every word
to the extent that it's absurd.

if you insist on pictures of shorelines
then i insist on pages of your lines
meant for me
to be sent to me

so forget the feelings so few have..
he said i love you to death..
and forget the feelings so few have..
fuck you and the future we don't have..

2003-12-05T23:44:00.000-05:00

currently playing - baby it's cold outside//Johnny Mercer & Margaret Whiting
currently eating/drinking - Sprite remixx
currently wearing - hoodie and blue pj pants
current mood - disgruntled
currently thinking - its snowing...ughh
current quote/lyric - The course of true love never did run smooth

The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't to hard to sell.
DIE YOUNG AND SAVE YOURSELF
The tickle, the taste of...
it use to be the reason I breathed but now it's choking me up.

i wish you a broken
heart and a happy
new year.

Sometimes this beauty is choking me,
but at least
its your hands on my throat

And I'll miss your laugh your smile
I'll admit I'm wrong if you'd tell me
I'm so sick of fights I hate them
Lets start this again for real

i feel like...i've known you all my life...
and lately...
all i've been wantin is you by my side

What is your emo band name? by spiralinghalo
Your band name is:	Release My Oxygen
You sound like:	Story of the Year
You will be signed to:	Island Records
Your emo lyrics are:	"I like you, but you don't like me, can it get anymore obvious"
Name:

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

2003-12-01T18:49:00.000-05:00

currently playing - magazines//brand new
currently eating/drinking - flavored water
currently wearing - black pants, cal remembrance shirt
current mood - okay
currently thinking - my hands are cold...i like him alot damnit!
current quote/lyric - ... talk is cheap ... so i bought every word you said

where did i go wrong?
i should have told you from the start
that i'm closer then you think
when we're apart
nothing that i've tried
is as simple as this line

Shattered broken and misplaced..
What do I have to say?...
I'm just another suburban heartache
blending to waste

Tell me all of your lies, one more time.
Write 'em down alongside how I ruined your life.
Let me soak up the blame, let me hear a sad story
about all the pain you feel.

this just isn't love.
it's just the remorse of a loss of a feeling

he cries
baby i've been drinking with some friends,
now how bout a little kiss

while you're still breaking hearts,
I'm plotting a placed to hide your bones.

im so damn cold! and moody! blahhhh...i want sleep too. i should be doing homework right now...but my priorites are all fucked up haha. i did some of my english questions...cause i wouldnt want to get behind in gualandi..who by the way upped my grade to a B! whoot! haha im out...my hands are toooo cold to be typing...and ive been sitting still wayyyy to long. haha XO; mish

2003-11-30T20:49:00.000-05:00

currently playing - i'm still in love with you//sean paul ft. sasha
currently eating/drinking - nothing
currently wearing - black pants, music in the parks tshirt
current mood - happy
currently thinking - christmas in 26 days!
current quote/lyric - im still addicted...to the sound of your voice.

OOH YEHHH MY XMAS LIST!

+ Audio System
+ new cell
+ dream angels heavenly
+ givenchy irresistable
+ clothes!
+ portable dvd player
+ BTVS on dvd
+ pirates of the carribean on dvd
+ bath and body works stuff
+ makeup
+ shoeeesss!!!
+ cds
+ L.V. bag

2003-11-30T11:24:00.000-05:00

currently playing - i want you//thalia ft. fat joe
currently eating/drinking - flavored water
currently wearing - w.e. i wore to bed last night
current mood - idk?
currently thinking - i dont hate him....he jus irritates the hell out of me
current quote/lyric - "And it's not that I want to have you. All I want is to deserve you."

For in the face of heartbreak,
I look up and realize it is self inflicted

he says...i love another
but i will let you pretend

I think that nothing can fly with this broken wing.
there's so much to hold on to now.
nothing can fly with this broken wing.
so here's a gift...in this feather."

I wake up and think dreams are real
I sleep so I don't have to feel
Lemme sleep some more...

You're my automatic,
semi-automatic,
always so dramatic,
you're so gone it's tragic.

hunger hurts, but starving works,
when it costs too much to love

ask a girl what she wants to be
she'll say baby, cant you see
i wanna be famous, the star of the screen

2003-11-29T17:06:00.000-05:00

currently playing - your star//all american rejects
currently eating/drinking - nothin
currently wearing - tan velour pants, black shirt
current mood - annoyed
currently thinking - your not black cause you wear sean john and say holla every second.
current quote/lyric - just when i thought things started to get better you go and do this you make me sick.

when all is said and done
and dead
does she love you
the way that i did.

because i'm still addicted
to your smile.

We tried so hard to understand and reason
But in that one moment I gave my heart away
That perfect breath where my mind lay beside me

I'm dying to explain my heart to you now.
There's so much on my mind it's tearing me apart.
I'm falling for you. I fell for you.

we're dropping coins
into dead pay phones to hear the sound
of our voice just to know we're alone
talk is cheap
but I bought every word that you said
I loved you
but it took me a long time to realize
you dont care

When they come for me,
I'll be sitting at my desk, with a gun in my hand,
wearing a bulletproof vest..
Singing "my, my, my, how the time does fly,
when you know you're going to die by the end of the night.

Oh why cant I be what you need
a new improved version of me
but i'm nothing so good
no i'm nothing

haha yehhhh I love my white friends lol. i dont understand whats so horrible about having only white friends if your black...or having only black friends if your white. even though i only know like 2 people lol, who think thats wierd lol....and one of them is white. idk maybe its jus stereotypes. like i hate it when i get..."oh yehh....this person is blacker than you" because they talk ghetto? that makes them black lmao. okay? dude...jus cause you wear ecko, sean john, and call your friends "yo niggas" doesnt make you black lolol i hate to break it to you.. or like a couple weeks ago lolol...john lobianco was like yehh you would get shot in the ghetto before shady would....he's blacker than you. i was like okay lmao. my grandma, sisters and brothers used to live in "the ghetto" which isnt as exciting as it sounds. ive visited them there and stayed with them during the summer...and never once been shot at lolol so yehh i dont think so. why do i "act so white?" hmm thats a good question...maybe cause i've lived in a town where like white people reign supreme lol...when i was like 11 there were like 3 black kids in the school. so yehhh...you'd be acting pretty damn white too lol. im sure if id stayed with my grandmother...i might be a different person...id have a city personality...but i dont lol. at least im not homo like some people...i dont try to fake ghettoness lol. i dont walk around screaming HOLLA at the top of my lungs...or fo sho! haha i dont know where this entry came from...i think its cause dennis keeps annoying me..about why all my friends are white...and than i jus sort of went off on it lol. anyways im out...XO;mish

2003-11-29T04:26:00.000-05:00

currently playing - my all//mariah carey
currently eating/drinking - cough drop
currently wearing - old navy pj pants, white shirt
current mood - wide awake
currently thinking - hope i dont wake anyone up
current quote/lyric - your making me think two different things
at once and i don't get it

Why does my heart cry?
Feelings I can't fight
You're free to leave me,
but just don't decieve me
And please believe me when I say
I love you

Hid her broken heart and let the engine die...
A broken heart continues to beat weakly but steadily...

All my hopes and all of my dreams
everything falling in between
seems to me that the memories
mean more to you than they do to me

Look in my eyes
im jaded now whatever that means
by sharing these things
i rip my heart out
its worth my time whatever that means

Your letter witten on a napkin
sits on my nightstand and it reads.
"This is, this is the last time
that I will write to you. This good-bye."

how can i give you anything.
when everything is already gone?

haha yehh tonight...(well i should say last night since right now its 4:10 in the morning lol) was awesome. i went and saw cat in the hat with lucia and nicole lol. it was so funny, it was like a PG movie lol, but they had some dirrty references in there lol. we went to lucia's house first before the movies, and we're sitting on her bed waiting for her to get ready lol, and my cell rings, and i was like wtf? i thought it was like my mom. so i answered it..and it was jus dennis. he was like oh im going to PJ cinemas. i was like yeh sure w.e. idk theres something about him...that DRIVES ME INSANE! like i literally have to bite my tongue so i dont start like flipping out sometimes lol, and its jus like small things too. but anyways, so nicole and lucia are all like oh who is it? and i was like its jus dennis and jeff i think, and nicole was like oh no ( lmao shes not to friendlywith him, something about mexicans) so he's going on about how he's going and all this stuff and im like half listening and telling nicole and lucia lol. so we get to the theatre, and we got there like really early. and we're all like we're are they, even though i know they're not coming lol, because when they tell me that they're gunna do sumin or they've done sumin its usually the exact opposite. so i forget whose bright idea it was to call them lolol, but im the only one with the numbers, and we deffinetly were not using my phone, and i was not talking. so we gave the phone to lucia and we let her talk to jeff. and he hung up on her and called her a faggot lol. so she calls back, and shes all like um excuse me? lets try being a little nicer. i dont even really know what was said, she was just like well your spanish friend told tanisha, that you were coming...and jeff goes no. and i was like wtf okay? cause that makes me look gay lol...i dont care either way if they showed up...but dont lie and say you didnt say anythin lol. so lucias like oh okay and she hangs up. so as if i didnt already hate them(dennis and jeff) well its not that i hate them...its more like....ummm...hmm...dont like...cant stand...lol. i cant say hate cause that would make me feel bad if they like went and died and than i heard about it. lol anyway subject switch. after cat in the hat, which was pretty good for a PG movie lol, we went back to nicoles til like 11. haha it was so funny, well not really...me and lucia were fighting over a folding chair in nicole's closet because theres only one lol..and i was trying to close her in the closet since she was getting the chair, and i let go of the door..and she went flying backwards and hit her head on one of nicole's dad's guitar's lolol. i felt so bad! but at the same time it was hysterical. yehh im really hyper lol. im goin to bed. XO; mish

2003-11-27T12:05:00.000-05:00

currently playing - elephant love song melody//moulin rouge
currently eating/drinking - flavored water
currently wearing - pj pants, hoodie
current mood - love struck
currently thinking - today is thanksgiving!
current quote/lyric - I would rather have a bad time with you
than a good time with anyone else.

I think I've seen every star that I care to see
But I don't wanna leave
It hurts when you're self deceived
I know I shouldn't believe a word you say,
I do it anyway, cause I'm dumb like that

dont worry i'll catch you
dont ever worry
your arms in mine
anytime

forget everything i'm about to say.
it's important you appear startled.
i didn't survive the crash.
this is nothing personal.
i just had to stop shaking.
i'm sorry,
but i don't feel as if i'm in any shape
to comfort you.

in the recovery room i wrote a list
of all the ways that you're beautiful.
it goes on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on.

will i shake this off, pretend its all okay?
that theres someone out there
who feels just like me

these memories cant replace
these wishes i wished
and these dreams i chased
take this broken heart and make it right

well i guess that it is typical
to cling to memories
youll never get back again

2003-11-26T23:31:00.000-05:00

currently playing - come what may//nicole kidman & Ewan Macgregor
currently eating/drinking - starburst
currently wearing - grey sweats, and a hoodie
current mood - blahh
currently thinking - sixteen candles is such an unrealistic movie
current quote/lyric - this silence in my heart....can you fill it?

i didn't ask for our friendship to be over,
but then again, i never asked for it to begin

we thought we'd last forever
but all that faded away,
forever and ever ended today...

Hold me tight
And bury me deep
Inside your heart

if i gave you pretty enough words
could you paint a picture of us that works?

when you're dying
drawing your last breathe
remember my name.

And we have this down
Unlike everybody
Less then a million nights
Just like tonight
I scream your name at the sky
Until I lose my voice
Would I give my life for you?
yes....

sometimes you just love someone so much
you just become numb to it
cause if you really felt how much
you love them. .it would kill you

2003-11-24T21:02:00.000-05:00

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered Angry when provoked.Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

ones in italics represent me

2003-11-24T17:43:00.000-05:00

currently playing - jaded//aerosmith
currently eating/drinking - hard candii
currently wearing - navvy long sleeve shirt, jeans
current mood - confused
currently thinking - people needa stop prankin my damn cell
current quote/lyric - do i ever cross your mind?

I thought I knew what love was,
What did I know?
Those days are gone forever,
I should just let them go..

I spend my time thinking about you
But now you're gone
Im still right here without you
a world on fire, a life overwhelming..

thanks for the useless memories

but the simple word "love" itself
already died and went away

darling forever is a long time
and time has a way of changing things

This place was never the same again
After you came and went
How can you say you meant anything different
To anyone standing alone
On the street with a cigarette
On the first night we met

blahhh today sucked. i wont even go into detail about it. haha i was cleaning my room yesterday, and i had to get under my dresser, and i found like all these pills that i never took. like medicine. there were so many! my mom would've flipped a shit if she had seen. so i just put them in the pill cup lol that i made in my room. for situations exactly like that. i was asking my mom what like all my medicine does and why i take it...because seriously...if i ever became to much trouble for her, she could kill me. i take every pill that she gives me without like questioning it lol. LMAO on to another subject...my mom just called my brother retarded. she was like william dont do that! you look like your retarded! subject switch again (dont you love randomness) im not mad at nicole anymore...well i was never really mad at her lol....even though i said that...um 2 days ago i think? i was jus irritated...annoyed...and a bunch of other adjectives lol. anyways im out, i ran out of semi-interesting things to fill this page up with lol. <33333 mish

2003-11-23T21:12:00.000-05:00

currently playing - mother we just can't get enough//new radicals
currently eating/drinking - gum
currently wearing - red velour pants, black hoodie
current mood - love sick
currently thinking - damn him.....
current quote/lyric - boy come to me, the only broken hearted loser, you'll ever need

And theres something about you
That makes me fly
You're a heart attack,
just the kind I like

Tonight the headphones will deliver you
the words that I can't say

...and color the coast with your smile
its the most genuine thing ive ever seen
i was so lost, but now, i believe

I always wondered if you had a darker side.
You wear a smile, but your eyes
are red like you just cried.
Now will you explain?
By day you wear your happy face,
everybody thinks you're perfect
They don't know much about your pain.

i'll take him home after midnight
and if he likes, i'll tell he lies
i will be in love by the morning

maybe tomorrow
we'll have our chance again
maybe tomorrow.

2003-11-23T07:14:00.000-05:00

currently playing - dashboard confessional//living in your letters
currently eating/drinking - hot chocolate
currently wearing - old navy sweatshirt, grey sweats
current mood - sleepy
currently thinking - its wayyyy too early to be awake
current quote/lyric - im here for you to use, broken and bruised...do you understand?

..and I would be there
every time you'd need me,
I'd be there every time.

but its like you said
love is like a role that we play
but i believe in it so much
i could die from the words that you say

"Sing me to sleep
under a blanket of stars tonight,
where all my hopes and fears
look childish in the light."

so take your time..
and realize..
what you do to me

you dont die from a broken heart
you just wish you did <3

you can love anyone in the world
the problem is...
so can he

o0o yehh...love wastes no time in making you feel brokenhearted and depressed lol. its 7 in the morning, i have no idea why im even awake, because i dont usually wake up til like 1. and my first coherent thought after: "wtf did i just trip over" is "i wonder if we'll talk today" its so gay though...the way it all happened. like i don't understand. and i wanna be like, well its completely your fault. but at the same time i wanna be like how the fuck did i screw this up! and completely blame myself. anyways i updated my other site too...click here to check it out. im out. goin bakk to bed lol. <333333 mish

2003-11-22T23:41:00.000-05:00

B A S i C * Q U E S T i O N S
[ my name is ] - Tanisha
[ my nicknames are ] - TimMay, mish, tanish
[ all i need is ] - i wish i knew...
[ love is ] - ...the religon of the weak
[ if i could see one person right now ] - him <3
[ im afraid of ] - spiders
[ i dream about ] - the oddest things

W i T H * T H E * O P P O S i T E * S E X . . .
[ what do you notice first? ] - personality, eyes
[ last person you danced with ] - I've never danced.

W H O . . .
[ makes you laugh the most? ] - ashley
[ makes you smile ] - umm idk
[ gives you a funny feeling when you see them ] - any type of athourity figure
[ has a crush on you ] - lmao no one
[ do you have a crush on] - not telling
[ easier to talk to: boys or girls? ] - girls

W H O * W A S * T H E * L A S T * P E R S O N . . .
[ you talked to ] - my mom
[ hugged ] - no one
[ you instant messaged ] - lucia
[ you laughed with ] - cori and merri

M O R E * Q U E S T i O N S . . .
[ i want ] - sanity would be nice
[ i love ] - him <3
[ i miss ] - Cal, and the way things used to be
[ i fear ] - nothing
[ i hear ] - jus me typing
[ i wonder ] - why the fuck its so cold out here!

S E V E N * T H I N G S * Y O U * L O V E * T O * D O
- sleep
- listen to music
- read
- talk to friends
- update my sites
- laugh/go crazy

S E V E N * T H I N G S * T H A T * A N N O Y * Y O U
- horribly fake people
- wERdS tyPeD Lyk diZ (yuck)
- pop up ads
- people who think they're better than you
- the town i live in
- some of my fellow "peers" (they dont like me either..so its all good)
- pop music

F I V E * T H I N G S * Y O U * D O * E V E R Y D A Y
- shower
- write
- play music
- talk online
- update one of my sites

O N E * P E R S O N * Y O U * C O U L D * S P E N D * Y O U R* L I F E * W I T H * F O R E V E R
- blahh not answering

W H E N * W A S * T H E * L A S T * T I M E * Y O U . . .
Smiled :: today while watching comedy central
Frowned :: today...it was too early to be awake
Laughed :: today while watching comedy central
Got Mad :: im mad every day, and i dont need an excuse. the perks of being insane.
Cried :: today...for no reason
Were in love :: i dont understand love. but i think im in it
Got confused :: last night, talking to him confuses me
Played a devilish prank :: last week
Fell asleep :: last night and again this afternoon
Got drunk :: never
Got high :: never
Got in a fight :: ive been in fights this whole month
Talked on the phone :: last night
Lied :: haha, somehow. i live a continuous lie

A N 0 T H E R * 0 N E
[ pierce your nose or tongue ] - tongue
[ be serious or be funny ] - funny
[ coke or pepsi ] - coke
[ whole or skim milk ] - neither
[ single or taken ] - single for the rest of my life
[ simple or complicated ] - strive for simplicity, but often too complicated
[ law or anarchy ] - o0o anarchy sounds nice..but law isnt that bad.
[ flowers or angels ] - neither
[ grey or gray ] - grey
[ read or write ] - read
[ color or black-and-white photos ] - both
[ sunrise or sunset ] - sunset
[ m&m's or skittles ] - skittles
[ rap or rock ] - rock
[ stay up late or wake up late ] - both
[ tv or radio ] - tv
[ is it pop or soda ] - soda
[ x or o in tic-tac-toe ] - x
[ hot or cold ] - warm
[ dead or alive ] - alive
[ tall members of the opposite sex or short ] - medium
[ sun or moon ] - moon
[ emerald or ruby ] - neither, I like diamonds
[ vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream ] - vanilla ice cream
[ high or drunk ] - drunk
[ what is your biggest fear in the world ] - nothing
[ kids or no kids ] - right now? or future. right now no kids...future yes kids
[ cat or dog ] - dog
[ singing or dancing ] - singing
[ happy or sad ] - borderline decides this for me!

2003-11-22T17:00:00.000-05:00

currently playing - it must have been love//roxette
currently eating/drinking - code red
currently wearing - pink long sleeve shirt, jeans
current mood - idk?
currently thinking - fate has conspired against me....
current quote/lyric - do you find security knowing you have broken me?

Could you see yourself
with someone who loved you for you?

I'm jaded, stupid, and wreckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret.
These years spent, so faded and wreckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.
I'll never regret these years.

Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I don’t need to think.
he broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and I’ll move on

"I'm far past the point of return tonight..
and there's no lesson here to be learned..
cept to never fall in love again.... "

teenage love songs, there ain't such a thing,
because fucking's just fucking....
when you're only sixteen.

she said she won't speak of love
because love she's never know
it's moments like these
that she hates to be alone

yehhh i might start doin quotes at this site....blogdrive irritates me. plus its easier. and i have a wider variety of layouts and stuff. anywayys...today sucked ass so much lol. all i did was sleep, take my brother and johnny gerig to the stores, and than work on this. we were supposed to go look at christmas trees(we get fake ones) but idk what happened with that. im sorta glad though, im not in the mood to go out, haha another one of my infamous mood swings. yehh im sorta mad at nicole right now. because she had a picture that john took of me on her phone. and in the middle of science on friday she brings it up out of nowhere...and than john wanted it sent to his phone. and she knew id be pissed...but w.e. tell all journals get me in trouble lol. so i'll jus leave it at that. anyways im out. <33333

2003-11-18T20:52:00.000-05:00

Lying beside you
Here in the dark
Feeling your heartbeat with mine
Softly you whisper
You`re so sincere
How could our love be so blind?

Bridge
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side

Chorus
So now I come to you
With open arms
Nothing to hide
Believe what I say
So here I am
With open arms
Hoping you`ll see what your love means to me
Open arms ...

Living without you
Living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you
Wanting you near
How much I wanted you home

But now that you`ve come back
Turned night into day
I need you HERE to stay

mariah carey//open arms

2003-11-17T20:55:00.000-05:00

currently playing - cruel to be kind//Letters to Cleo
currently eating/drinking - Dr.Pepper
currently wearing - SWR 21 shirt; grey sweats
current mood - hyper and tired at the same time lol
currently thinking - i should really start getting over him
current quote/lyric - You would think you've known me forever,
just because you know my name

haven't written in this bitch in a while. I've been sorta busy, and my comp's been down. I got my report card...I did good except for english and gym. english I'm so effing pissed about. homo mrs. gualandi. I'm so hyper right now but so tired at the same time...its really messed up. I saw Elf on friday! lol I wanted to see Tupac Resurrection, but it was only playing in like 4 theaters...and my mom wouldn't drive me to any of them. So i jus went with Alli to Lowe's and saw Elf. it was good. I'm mad i didnt get to see tupac but w/e. I SAW ELF! lol and than i came home watched some shit on t.v. and fell asleep...it was a pretty eventful friday. im still fucking sick! how messed up is that. i think im like immune to all my medication...cause its not working lol. i like stay sick...and nothings like going away. blahhh i have english questions to do. so i gots to be out. <33333333 mish

2003-11-12T23:11:00.000-05:00

currently playing - Pretty Baby//Spin Doctors
currently eating/drinking - cough drop
currently wearing - green pj pants with polar bears on them! an a white shirt lol
current mood - hyper as fucc and sick
currently thinking - my pj pants are warm....
current quote/lyric - If it's the thought that counts..... you can always count on me;
I think about you all the time.

whoOt I've got off tomorrow! parent - teacher conferences, and usually i wouldn't be happy...but my parents are going lol. so yehh i have to go get blood work done early in the morning and than i might go with cori to the library, cause we have a homo research project to do for gualandi. wow she's been taking up wayyy to much of my time lately. and the weekend is almost here thank god! even though it feels like i haven't really been in school at all. lol im fighting with nicole....like always. its so hard to be friends with her, i think we jus get on each others nerves. or she gets on my nerves. idk either way. i dont think we're friends anymore. which is gunna be hard since we have every fricken class together. but i can be civil, and like as long as we dont talk to each when we dont have to i think we'll both just end up going our own seperate ways. the hardest thing about ending this friendship though...is gunna be trying to keep my friendship with jaimie. its so annoying fighting with people when you have mutual friends. lol the funniest thing, i used to keep a journal before this one, and i would never mention names because i didnt want people's feelings to get hurt, so i jus refused to namedrop, jus incase they happened to read it. now i jus dont give a fuck. they read it they read it, they want they're name taken out they tell me. i dont really care. i think i've hit an all new low, where like idc if what i say might offend someone. i dont like getting offended myself...but ive gotten shiit from so many people, that im jus like spreadin the love lol. who0t! guess whose not on ADDERALL ANYMORE! haha im so random. i remember 2 years ago being all happy because i wasnt on ritalin anymore, and than because i wasnt on fucking whatever the next drug it was my doctor gave me. now im on ADDERALL XR or some shiit like that...which is pretty much the same thing but now i only have to take it once a day. i honestly have no idea if I have ADD or not...I am borderline lol which explains my constant mood swings to the world. so no I am not PMSing 24/7. I know I got fucked up somewhere along the lines. Its so funny because like all of a sudden its like cool to be messed up...and people are like yehh I've got ADHD and im hyper (some fuck head up the road from me said this like yesterday) I was like please my brother's had it for 3 years, you don't have it, don't pretend you have it, and you dont fucking want it. or like people use it as an excuse or announce it to the world....like my brother had a friend over in october...and the kid was like yehh when the teacher calls on me in class i jus say i have ADD and i cant focus. i was like wtf? i feel like a retard with it...and this kid takes it to his advantage...am i doing something wrong? lol. anyways im like madd tired and ive been ranting for awhile. yehhh i know people will only hate me more after reading this...but is that even possible? do i even care? nahhh didnt think so. sleep time for me...and "emergency trips" to the doctor mean prescriptions get filled....which means one of these pills should probably knock me out in a good 20 minutes lol.
<3333 mish

2003-11-11T18:12:00.000-05:00

currently playing - Until The Day I Die//Story Of The Year
currently eating/drinking - coffee
currently wearing - black long sleeve shirt w/ red shirt over. blue plaid pj pants. yehh i so dont match
current mood -stressed and sick
currently thinking - im officially screwed....
current quote/lyric - I waste all my time...just thinking of you

blahhh I'm supposed to hand in my reader's response journal for mrs.gualandi tomorrow...and I haven't done shit on it. on top of that im sick as hell....like 5 minutes don't pass where i dont cough or sneeze...or feel like doubling over due to the pounding in my head! plus i think me and him like hate each other lol. so yehh...im jus a real bundle of joy right now. I dont want to go to school tomorrow...but I have off Thursday too...and thats wayyyyy to much time spent with my mom and dad lol. school is like a vacation for me....i dont do shit, i pass,(except for that D- but we'll fucking fix that) and i don't have to see my family so yehh im likin it this year. anyways im out...cause if i dont finish that shit for gualandi...she'll have my head on a nice silver platter...fucking bitch...i hate her. latazz <33333 mish

2003-11-10T17:14:00.000-05:00

currently playing - The No Seatbelt Song//Brand New
currently eating/drinking - soda
currently wearing - pink velour pants, white shirt
current mood - bored
currently thinking - i wanna do sumin tonight....
current quote/lyric - I hope you find out what you want.....I already know what I am.

grrrness....I hate mrs.gualandi so much right now. I have a D- in english. I have no idea how thats even possible. im missing one thing and i got 70's on the two quizzes i took...so idk how that amounts to a 70. whatever i hate her...i hope she gets gangrene and her leg falls off. i had NEXUS today! it was soo fun we got to work with the little kids and stuff....it was wierd...cause i thought they were gunna be developmentally challanged which would have been harder...but it turns out they were jus poor lol. the one kid was so0o adorable Vivian...me and Allie when it was time for them to play..we did "kitchen" with them lol, it was cute. and when i came home i only had 2 periods left and than i got to go home. I'm so happy cause I have off tomorrow....i jus dont know what im gunna do...i wanna go out for sure though. I hate staying home when I have off. anyways im out...i gotta attempt to make up that thing im missing for gualandi. <3333333 mish

2003-11-09T18:45:00.000-05:00

currently playing - Believe//Yellowcard
currently eating/drinking - doritos
currently wearing - SWR 21 shirt
current mood - undecided
currently thinking - my mouth hurts....
current quote - Today I prayed my plane would crash...you'd hear the news...and you'd think of me
as much as I thought of you

yehhh I haven't written in this for like 5 days...I haven't updated my other site either. cause I effed up my computer...so one day this works and the next it doesnt. We got our bracelets in...the one's katie ordered. they're so0o nice. they say Calvin Kohart #21 the dates..and than unity over self. they're really nice...I haven't taken mine off since i got it...partially since im afraid i'll lose it and it hurts to put it on lol. i did absolutely nothing this weekend...i was supposed to go to Jaimie's with Kerrie...but that didnt work out cause she had George over. yehh well ill write more later im cold lol. <33333 mish

2003-11-06T06:41:00.000-05:00

Drowning in my pool of sorrows
Can you imagine what I see?
The wrath of all of these emotions
That you place inside of me

Memories fade away
And pictures of a happy yesterday
Are nothing more than
sweet, white, lies.....

If I've said it once,
I've said it a thousand times
But our hearts decide
what they want to hear

Never before has something so bad felt so good
And though we know we're killing our tomorrow
We must live for today
For this moment when time stops and we only know of each other
Each kiss is a kiss of false hope
But it's ok

Maybe I enjoy this pain
If I live for this moment
I'll have eternal memories
And never again doubt

That you and I are real
These feelings, so strong, so wrong

Sweet White Lies//Keepsake

2003-11-04T17:14:00.000-05:00

currently playing - I Cry//Ja Rule ft. Lil Mo
currently eating/drinking - nothing
currently wearing - punk'd shirt, faded jeans
current mood - sick, but happy
currently thinking - Kelz is deffinetly mentally challenged
current quote - High hopes and wishful thinking have been keeping me up too late.

For your viewing pleasure...and Kelz wanted to be mentioned...I decided to throw in here some of the insane things she says daily.

oMGiTzKeLz679: if he really likes you? I guess he'll tell you...
or he'll come to you and everything will be destiny and all that other homo shit from firehotquotes

oMGiTzKeLz679: didn't the hanson brothers get like maddd hott?

oMGiTzKeLz679: new from sKaNk Whore Production Films:
"Dude Where's My Dildo" and "City of Aids" available on DVD October 30th ;-)

oMGiTzKeLz679: I want to sex him up reeeaaallllll good

oMGiTzKeLz679: your like my best friend...even if you are a cynical, sarcastic, sometimes slightly bitter bitch :-D

oMGiTzKeLz679: omg! when you have your little ghetto babies...name the boy Tupac...and the girl Shaniqua!

oMGiTzKeLz679: yeh, I know I'm skankin

oMGiTzKeLz679: tommorrow im gunna go into da city wearing blue and red....and see if I get shot at.

oMGiTzKeLz679: would you still be my bestest friend if I was a lesbian and hit on you every chance I got? :-D

2003-11-03T19:58:00.000-05:00

currently playing - Time After Time//Cyndi Lauper
currently eating/drinking - cough drop
currently wearing - my green polar bear pj pants lol, and my Atari sweatshirt
current mood - feelin alone
currently thinking - im so tired of wanting what I can't have
current quote - sometimes lonely hearts, just get lonelier

young girl dont cry,
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall,
young girl its all right,
your tears will dry you'll soon be free to fly, ohh

when your safe inside your room,
you tend to dream
of a place where nothings harder then it seems
no one ever wants or bothers to explain
of the heart ache life can bring or what it means,

when theres no one else
look inside yourself
like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within
then you'll find the strength that will guide your way
you'll learn to begin to trust the vioce within

young girl dont hide
you'll never change if you just walk away,
young girl just hold tight
soon your gonna see your brighter days, yeah

now, in a world where nothing seems to make sense
so afraid
memories
provide a hand for you to hold
when you look outside, look inside to your soul

when theres no one else
look inside yourself
like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within
then you'll find the strength that will guide your way
you'll learn to begin to trust the vioce within

Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
(Be strong)
You'll break it
(Hold on)
You'll make it
(Be strong)
Just don't forsake it because
No one can tell you what you can't do
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you

when theres no one else
look inside yourself
like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within
then you'll find the strength that'll guide you way
you'll learn to begin to trust the voice within

young girl dont cry
ill be right here when your world starts to fall

Voice Within//Christina Aguilera

2003-11-02T16:51:00.000-05:00

currently playing - Real World//Matchbox 20
currently eating/drinking - grape soda
currently wearing - grey sweats, aero hoodie
current mood - hyper
currently thinking - he hasn't been on in a while damnit!
current quote - turn the lights low wasting precious time, wait for no one. tell it like it is

yehh so as you can tell I didnt write about my halloween...because there wasn't much to write about, it wasn't as thrilling as I thought it would be but I had fun, got a little messy and came home. I slept til 3 on saturday lol, my mom flipped she was like your wasting a whole day, pshhh what else was I gunna do. I've talked to him like twice since friday. blahhness. MY HEAD KILLS! I wanna go to bed lol....but I gotta put 2 more songs on meg's cd. I wanna call him... lol prank him maybe. I have his number in here. ahh yes the randomness of my blog. you learn to love it. anywayz...im out. I'm gunna finish meg's cd than eat some candy and watch a little cartoons. <333333 Mish

2003-11-02T14:32:00.000-05:00

in the land of dirt and plaster
lies an army of a thousand nowhere kids
losing ground and falling faster
into a life that no one should have to live

we are the people that you hate
we are the bastards that you created (the fucking bastards that you created)
a generation with no place
a generation of all your sons and daughters

behind the fake family image
behind the smile of a thousand moms and dads
inside the cage that we've been given
i see an image of the future that we don't have

and what did you expect ... a perfect child
raised by tv sets ... abandoned every mile
we never get respect ... never a fair trial
no one gives a shit ... as long as we smile..... smile...... smile

Smile Empty Soul// Nowhere Kids

2003-11-01T21:39:00.000-05:00

currently playing - Way Away//Yellowcard
currently eating/drinking - M&Ms
currently wearing - black fleece pants, my SWR 21 shirt
current mood - unhappy
currently thinking - I have a headache, halloween candy and depression dont mix
current quote - You do something to me that I can't explain,
so would I be out of line if I said I miss you?

what book are you reading right now? Romeo and Juliet
what's your favorite board game? CLUE!
favorite magazine? Teen People
favorite scent? Tommy Girl, FCUK(French Connection) anything Armani
least favorite smell? fecal matter
what do you think about when you wake up in the morning? whats the most effective way to get out of gym
favorite colors? pink, black, and green
least favorite colors? red, and purple
future children's names? for a girl...Victoria Lee, for a boy, Jonathan Michael
what is the most important thing in life? family
favorite sound? his voice = )
if you could meet one person dead or alive? Ewan Mcgregor and Madonna
what is your sign and birthday? Leo 8/03/89
if you could have any job what would it be? a successful singer or writer
have you ever been in love? idk? if I have the feelings certainly weren't reciprocated
favorite movies? Momento, Sixteen Candles, Baby It's You, Scarface, The Last Don
least favorite movie? Momento...haha yeh its also my favorite movie..but out of all of them i like it least..it was confusing as fuck
favorite number? 27
favorite sport? I hate sports...
what is your biggest fear? my biggest fear? every fear I've ever had so far, has become a reality...there's nothing left. I fear nothing anymore.

2003-10-30T17:22:00.000-05:00

currently playing - I knew I loved you//Savage Garden
currently eating/drinking - nufn..but dinner is cooking
currently wearing - black puma hoodie, and black sweats
current mood - ehhh
currently thinking - throw up is gross, i wanna redo my blog
current quote - like a movie scene, in the sweetest dream
I have picture us together

omg....today was sooo....wierd lol. I had double periods of science today...and that class always seems to deviate from the normal. so we're on the second half of class, and John Lo goes down to the cafeteria and comes back with like 6 milks and some cookies. and like idk he drank some and gave the rest to shady, eric, and mike connolly. I think they were gunna have a chugging contest lol. so me and cori( we sit at the same table) we're sitting they're talking....and all of a sudden mike spits milk out of his mouth, and him and shady are laughing, and so is eric. and than i see john like doubled over in his chair, with a napkin to his mouth and i was like okay wtf is he doing. and he gets up, and walks to the garbage and in his hand theres like drenched napkin, with like chocolate and mucus and ughhh all this other bodily, mouth, fluid mixed together. and me and cori jus look at each other and we're like EWWWW! and he like doesnt even make it to the garbage because he sort of just lets it all out on the floor. it was like the grossest, funniest thing I've ever seen. So we're all like half amused half grossed out because it looks like john just threw up cookies and milk from laughing to hard. and than we like snap back into reality and realize that hey! throw up cant stay on the floor, and we're in science class. ughhh sooo nasty....i literally felt queasy lol. okay so enough about natural, bodily, ughhh reactions lol. HALLOWEEN IS TOMORROW! and I'm so pysched. even though I almost fucked myself over by being gay and getting in a fight with nicole...luckily she understands that...PMS and throw-up don't mix well. anyways I'm out...
x O x Mish

2003-10-29T06:17:00.000-05:00

"But I don't want to be among mad people", Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can't help that, said the Cat. "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat,
"or you wouldn't have come here."

I love this quote lol. ahhh yesterday (which I didn't write about lol) was soo good. i talked to everyones favorite asshole!(lmao dont ask...lo0nngg story) lol yehhh I'm a little insane...hence the qoute above. But I'm jus sorta happy, because I was starting to hate him lol. But anyway lol...Halloween's in 2 days..im so pysched. I'm going around with nicole, kort, ariana, shauna, I think Jaimie....and oh yeh Marissa It's gunna be crazy....we're going around in nicole's development(which is fricken huge) and everyone goes in that development, so it's gunna be chaos. anyways...im out. gotta get my ass ready for school lol.
x O x Mish

2003-10-27T20:43:00.000-05:00

So I would choose to be with you...
as if the choice were mine to make

And when I sit alone
I think of what you said
'better off just friends'
I'm better off just dead
<.3 Keepsake <.3

I'm here for you to use;
broken and bruised.
Do you understand? It's only you, beautiful.
Or I don't want anyone else.

You might be just what I need
No I would not change a thing
I've been dreaming of this so long
But we only exist in this song
The thing is, I'm not worth the sorrow
And if you'll come and meet me tomorrow
I will hold you down, fold you in
Deep, deep, deep in the fiction we live
I break in two over you
I break in two
And if a piece of you dies
Autumn, I will bring you back to life
Of course I see you
I do.

It's boys like you that make me think
I'm better off at home on a Saturday night
with all my doors locked up tight.
I won't be thinking about you, baby.

I don't think anyone feels
the way I do about you
right now

Taking my time
I'm trying to leave the memories of you behind
I'm gonna be fine
As soon as I get your picture right out of my mind

ohhh yehhhh...so stuck on him, I want his voice out of my head for jus one day lol